it's ofishial

i'm allergic to tuna. why did it take me 24 years to figure this out? well, according to the internet, the stuff in tuna that everyone's allergic to is removed in the canning process. mark and tuna will never co-exist peacefully...unless of course it's canned first. my huge outbreak that i blogged about a few months back lasted about 3 weeks, so last night i was kinda worried. either my body developed a little resistance to tuna's effects or all the chocolate and water i drank in my despair last night killed it. i'm fine now. i was anticipating another 3 weeks of unsexiness. and yes...when i am depressed i drink water. i also drink water when i'm happy, just not as much.

I bought chicken nuggets from the store.

I just re-read my last few blogs, and there are some changes I would like to make. Not grammatical through. OK, the two PB jars were half empty a few days ago. Today they are half full. That is because I have 3 weeks of vacation starting about 1 hour ago. I will do fun things. I am not sure what, but I hope they are fuh fuh fuh funner than being an English teacher. Also, not only did the Thai noodles ruin my sweatshirt, but they also ruined my stomach resulting in my first sick day ever. I could have actually gone to work and been fine, but I was up until about 5am being sick so I just couldn't be bothered with anything. It was Christmas too, and what better way to celebrate Christmas than by not going to work! Yah for Mark's first ever sick day! I felt kinda bad when I called in, like I was cheating the system or something. Of course I lose money and I will probably regret it the next time I'm broke, or when my wife wants a diamond ring instead of a key ring...or the kids want health insurance...ahhhh. Well too bad for them, because I stayed home on Christmas.

My life's metaphor

Last night I spilled ramen juice on my sweatshirt. I thought maybe it would just dry up and be gone...but no. It appears that it is going to be a permanent oil stain. This new stain, along with a huge one that makes me look like I fell asleep in a puddle, have made me do some serious thinking about my sweatshirt's life. It's old, tattered, stained and frayed. We have been through a lot together. Two different universities, my drivers license and student ID, countless cold days....the list could go on and on. It's kinda like an adult blankie, except it has more uses. If you ever remember seeing me during any non-summer months, I was probably wearing it. When I began writing this blog about two minutes ago I was sad, but as I think back on the past 6 1/2 years of my life, I can't think of anything it's done for me. In fact, I feel kind of cold towards it (haha). I brought it around the world, I washed it like once a year, and I fed it ramen juice. What did it ever do for me? Did it make me popular, help me meet girls, or even keep me warm on the coldest of nights? NO! I think the reason I am sick right now is because my sweatshirt failed me. I am buying a new one someday. I want an Abercrombie one.

Also today I pulled down a kid's pants. It wasn't in a violent child molester way - but more of a sit down kinda way. That probably doesn't make any sense. The rest of the class was sitting in a circle and he was prancing around me trying to entertain the rest of the class with his childish antics. In my subtle attempt to get him to sit down I gave his shorts a little tug and.....well, he didn't think he was "Mr. Cool" after the rest of the class saw him in his undies. The class was just cracking up. I guess it's a good thing that he didn't cry.

Also, I am going to stop ignoring the voices in my head...if you know what I mean.

sin chibi

It's almost Christmas!!! I will celebrate by....going to work and coughing a lot. Recently my body has decided that the best thing to do all day is cough. So that's what I do. Today I coughed for like 60 seconds straight...and not just normal girly coughs, but like launch my germs into the next room coughs. It was kinda embarrasing since after all - I was in the middle of teaching. But oh well. I could cough at home or cough and get paid. People always say "no news is good news!" I am not sure if they are serious when they say it - well maybe if it is regarding a bad situation...but hopefully not their life. To me, most news is good news (not CNN). Because it means that something happened. I am really not sure what I am talking about or why. But my throat still hurts and my Thai Noodles are almost ready. I have two big jugs of peanut butter. They are both half empty. The reason for this is when the first one was half empty I decided it was too difficult to get more PB out and I got sick of getting it on my knuckles. So I just opened up the second jug.

Haha, I just accidentally dropped the sauce packet into the boiling water with my noodles, then I fished it out with the spatula that I used for pancakes yesterday. Today I didn't have to teach the little munchkins because I guess one of the parents complained! YES! So in other words, by sucking, my job got easier. I am not sure if this blog is making much sense. Usually when I blog, I have some sort of topic, but today i just sat down and started writing. This is kinda what my research papers were like my freshmen and soph years (of college not HS).

To get to the other side!

Today I asked this guy about his week or family or something. Either way, while he was babbling on about who knows what, I thought of a cool joke. It goes something like this:

What did Shizuka say to her boyfriend when he gave her coupons for the Noodle Shop?

Answer: How RAMENTIC!!!!!

I've only thought up a few jokes while students talk me to death...but I think this one's my best.

The Japan Times

"The U.S. Department of Agriculture announced Monday the partial lifting of its four-year-old import ban on Japanese beef, while welcoming Tokyo's decision the previous day to resume imports of U.S. beef after a two-year ban."

Great. So both countries ended bans on the other's beef. So now Japan can buy beef from America and America can buy beef from Japan. I have been fortunate enough to eat beef from the US and from Japan - and to be honest - they taste the same. I'm sure there is a very logical explanation, but for the sake of simplicity, why don't both countries just re-ban it?

And the award goes toooo.............

Minnesota. According to the strib, MN is the healthiest state again!! Yes!! I haven't been there in over a year, but other than gain ten pounds and get a serious rash - my health hasn't changed much. Maybe it really is the healthiest state, but I still can't help but find this funny:

"Minnesota held onto its spot as the healthiest state for a third year in a row in a nationwide ranking.....from United Health Foundation, based in Minnetonka."

And only 9 percent of kids live in poverty. Crazy.

ESL old lady

I think I mentioned it in an earlier post - but just incase - there are a couple kinds of ESL funnies. When a student tries to be funny, makes a strange mistake or when their personality is just wacko. So today I had this cute old lady telling me some story about who knows what?@!? She was a wacko - a cute old one.

We were talking about how the Yen is worth so little right now... she went on to tell me how it used to be worth way less back in the day... "when the Americans visited Japan" (I am only about %90 sure that she was talking about WWII). Then "my dog brought good food to his girlfriend's house." "He did a sorry style." I have no clue at all where that came from or why she said it. But to finish off, she asked if one of my parents was J, I told her it was on my mom's side and she said "I'm sorry." Again, no explanation and I can't even figure out what she meant. But it was funny.

In other news, last night was the first night in my life that i've ever just left the trash in because i was too lazy to take it out. Usually it's because i forget...but i just couldn't be bothered. So a few more days of rotting chicken fat in hanging above my sink. Oh well, since it's about 40F in my room it shouldn't start to smell for awhile.

A couple quotes

From the "personality" lesson...where I try to get students to talk about different personalities. So I start with "tell your partner about your best friend" - hoping they will say something like "he's nice" or "funny."

Student 1: Do you have a best friend?
Student 2: Yes, I have many best friends!

Later on in the day...a student trying to explain to me that he's not a vegetarian because he was raised eating meat: "I was raised by animals."

Teaching English etc.

Today I was doing a lesson on the "water cycle" with 3 students. It shows a picture of the trees, a lake, rain the sky/clouds etc. The students learn new vocabulary like condensation and evaporation etc. They are suppposed to practice using language like - first, then, because of, as a result etc. to describe how water goes from rain, to a lake and then back to clouds...hence the "water cycle" title. The second page has a picture of the same diagram except it also has a factory, cars and dead trees. The discussion is as follows:

Me: So, looking at this picture, work together and describe how normal rain becomes acid rain.

Student 1: Well, when sulfur dioxide, carbon dioxide and hydro-chloride react with the rain and the PH is under 7, you have acid rain.

Student 2: .......
Student 3: .......
Me: .......OK! Good work class.

I hate kangaroos

Well day two of my diet didn't go so well. I forgot my lunch at home...so I ate at maccas. Eating there is bad when you're not on a diet. I stepped on the scale today and it was exactly the same as yesterday.

Tmrw I have to teach "chibis." I guess that is what they call kids from the age of birth to the point when they speak their first word in their native tongue. How my evil employer ever managed to convince people to bring their little tots into English language lessons when they don't speak Japanese is beyond me. I bet it was from some person telling them that children learn language better when they are younger. I, however, completely disagree with this. While I have not read about it, studied it, or even dealt with it first hand..I have studied another language and it was pretty hard. I can't imagine it would be any easier for a 6 month old. To me this is an excuse used by adults to avoid learning another language. "Oh, I wish I would have learned it when I was 5, it would have been so easy." "Now that I am old and have all these dictionaries and grammar books it's just impossible!"

To me the reason people find it so difficult is usually because they are afraid to make a fool of themselves. They don't want to make mistakes or say something only to find out later that they sounded like a perv. Of course there are also the obvious reasons like studying for 1 hour a week etc. I'm sure if parents only talked to their kid for 15 min a day they probably wouldn't learn the language too quick either. I mean cmon...little American kids aren't learning real English anyway. Whenever people speak to them they speak like idiots, they add "y" onto the end of everything. I think I should open a language school designed to teach E in that method. That would be retardedy wardedy.

I just came up with that theory (I'm sure I'm not the first) all because I don't want to.....

"jump like a monkey, jump jump jump
hop like a kangaroo hop hop hop
sing like a something sing sing sing"

Yes, I will be singing that in about 12 hours, I don't even know the words. wish me lucky ducky.

Pet peeves

There are a few things in life that really bother me. While the list is not complete, these are the things that are bothering me at the moment:

That I have to shave everyday before work. I just hate it.
That I have to work everyday after I shave. I hate that too.

Well, that is all I can think of at the moment. I could just quit and not shave. But what would society think of me then?

And in sad news...81.4 kgs. I am not sure how much that is in lbs, I am afraid to look. Well, starting five minutes ago, I am on a diet. That was my pm weigh in and I will do it again Jan 1st - pm.

I care about people I don't know.

I roughed up a 14 year old kid today. In my defense, he was the same size as me and probably about the same strength (although I am much better looking). Actually, it was his fault and not mine. I had him in an arm lock and I was going very slow. I probably had him in it for ten seconds...slowly pulling it back. And I was carefully watching his other hand, waiting for the inevitable tap...it never happened. All the spectators started yelling "stop stop" (in English!). What is that age when males start to think that they are really tough? Well, to make a long story short he should be fine in two weeks.

This incident and my post-arm lock feelings have made me realize a lot about myself. For one, I think I am getting more mature. I feel really bad even though it was %100 his fault. That coupled with the fact that I have this voice in the back of my head nagging me to do the dishes. I don't need clean dishes, but the voice is there. Is that a sign of maturity? Insanity? I don't even have any plans to have company over or anything. It seems that my idea of logic just happens to be changing - only I can't justify it. It's like doing the dishes is almost becoming an instinct. I guess that's probably why this blog just keeps going on about nothing...I don't want to do the dishes, I just feel like I should.

On the positive side of things, I did realize today that I can pretty much handle the toughest 14 year olds around. And I'll be honest, it was a pretty sweet armlock.

If you want to do Brazilian Jiu Jitsu in Osaka, it's in Teradacho.

Kyoto

Panda Heaven
Originally uploaded by terw0015.

Went to Kyoto with my buddy Mike and our J tour guide whose name is....chi? I'm bad with names. I was planning on seeing two different sites, unfortunately the first site was so cool that we never made it to the second. Kyoto is now my new favorite near place. I think it replaced nothing. But, there does seem to be a ton of cool stuff to do there and I will def. be heading back there sometime. The bamboo was actually towards the bottom of the cool things list...my $50 fisheye lens actually kicked out some cool pictues. Cool things to see in Arashiyama (my one stop in Kyoto) - kids, fall leaves, the bridge, the river, bamboo and boats. Things to avoid - restaurants, going on holidays and squid cooks.

Work is funny...sometimes

Well,I am not sure if funny stuff is always happening and I'm just in the "mark zone" so I don't notice it... or, the past few days have been full of strange quotes etc. These are from the last two days. I swear sometimes I go weeks without my students saying anything funny.

This one was just on a shirt: sloppiness will be the causes of the increase in the juvenile crime.

I actually spent the whole lesson pondering it. Then I was doing the "interesting experiences" lesson. So I asked them, "what's the most interesting experience you've ever had?"

#1 "I went scuba diving in Guam, it was fun." (very normal answer!)
#2 "I touched a fox.....in Chicago." (I thought I misheard him, but he repeated it for me).
#3 "No interesting experiences....ehhhh...but I have a four leaf clover." (he then took it out of his pocket and showed me).

I am not sure if others would even find these funny, but I was just cracking up. And...
"I heard about someone who can extinguish fires with their stomach gas." And we weren't even talking about fires, gas, stomachs or anything of the sort...very random and almost a little disturbing.



In not so funny Mark news, after going crazy I put in a transfer request - only to hear back that "they need me there." But today after telling everyone how nuts I've gone others broke down and told me that they've put in transfer requests too. I guess it's not normal to just tell everyone you work with that your surroundings are driving you bonkers...but i did.

This blog is not interesting

But I'll blog anyway. I put in a transfer request today. Time for a new school. I was on a roll too. Almost eight months, that's the longest I've ever worked at one place in my entire life. I think I was at about six months in a warehouse once. I don' t know what it is, but I don't really seem capable of working. I can work for a few months and then I just wanna quit. I think it's from teachers/parents telling me that I could have some awesome job when I grew up. They forgot to tell me that I would need to start working at it when I was 15. Actually, I think I pretty much could do any job that I really wanted to, the problem is figuring out what that is. All I know is in the last couple of days I've gotten really sick of work. It's easy, pays ok, but still, its just old. "I'm sooo over it." That's what everyone says here about stuff they are sick of. I'm not sure if that's some popular saying that I just missed or maybe it just caught on at my school. I've actually been really busy lately.

Oh yeah, I bought a plane ticket to Hawaii today. Most people probably wouldn't complain about going to Hawaii for two weeks in January...well I'm not really either, I just hate spending money that I earn.

I've gained eight pounds since I got here. Nooooo!!!! Well December is diet month. I think I can lose ten pounds in a month.

Also, I had to wear dirty socks to work the last two days. I get home after ten 5 days a week and my washing machine is outside so I can't do laundry (cause I'm so neighborly).

And can anyone tell me - are pickles healthy? I've always just kinda assumed that greens were healthy. But pickles? How about olives? Those things can't be healthy, they're so good. I can't imagine some mother saying "now Johny, don' forget to eat your pickles and olives."

And a lack of which food group/vitamin etc. results in bad dandruff (a friend wants to know)?

costco by train

for the zillions of lost souls who are looking for costco in the kansai region, you need to find the amagasaki station. How do I find that? How much does it cost? That information is here: http://grace.hyperdia.com/cgi-english/hyperd01.cgi

I don't know if there is only one in kansai. But if you live in Osaka it is the place to go. Once you get to the Amagasaki station, there is a bus that comes around every hour on the hour(i think). The bus is free and its a short bus! Maybe its best to ask the driver, I don't want to send you off on the wrong bus. If your new to Japan and unsure of how to ask or you don't speak Japanese just look confused, point at the bus and say "costco?" Easy. Well anyway, once your at the amagasaki station you can figure it out for yourself. Then when your leaving, catch the same bus. It just goes in a loop and I believe the only stops are at the station and at costco (costco is near a big shopping complex).

Costco here has basically the same stuff as it does in the states. same pizza and hot dogs. same choco muffins and croissants. NO BURRITOS. They do deliver for Y500 a box...again don't quote me on that. Well good luck in your journey. If you are a guy who will be travelling by train and eats a lot of food, I suggest a camping backpack. Carrying boxes sucks. Also, you need the membership card but i am sure you already knew that. one last thing. if you have one of those "japanese fridges" make sure you don't buy too much stufffor it.

a blog some might find gross

the cool thing about teaching 10 yr olds is that no matter how much i fart in class, they never suspect it's me. it's like adults don't fart or something. they always blame the fat kid. and he always denies it. so i just fart on.

Kate W. Youre so cool. we will hang out again someday.

Fashion Police, JR officer

Every season has its own fashion. And every season we have loads of magazines that tell us what we should wear to be in style (usually aimed at girls). Usually we get some top ten lists, some dos and donts. But let's be honest, that stuff never applies to any of us. Most of us don't care if a Gucci bag clashes with Prada jeans. Can you wear a coat made out of polar bear fur to an office party? Or should you go with the albino fox fur. Who cares. Why people (ok girls) buy these magazines I don't know. Whoever puts out these surveys neglects Joe Schmo. I see so many crazy things in Japan and some just weird me out.

Ok, first, yes Japan is a completely different country. Thus some rule breaking is ok. For example, a guy can dye his hair golden brown, style it like Bon Jovi. He can then find the tightest pants around and complete the outfit with some pointed boots. He is now ready to pick up chicks. These chicks are most likely sporting eyelashes about a half inch long. They are wearing lots of layers. Possibly really short cut-off jeans over black sweatpants. To go along with that, they are wearing thick cotton socks, the horizontal stripes are pink and black. High heels go good with this outfit. These two outfits are perfectly acceptable. However, they are not universally acceptable.


Keep in mind that you are getting your fashion "do's" from a guy who has no sense of fashion whatsoever. Most of the clothes I wear would be refused by secondhand stores. But I do not, at least I don't think, break any of the rules on "the universal don't wear clothing list for men...created by Mark and his blog friends."

So, how do you know if it's a universal rule? Well, basically anytime a guy like me is offended by your clothing it is universally unacceptable - thus a rule. So, so far there are only two rules that I know of. I imagine there really are around ten, I just haven't been exposed to the offense. So....

1. Under no circumstances should you ever tuck your tshirt into your sweatpants. I am not sure why this offends me, it just does. The level of offense is increased the further up your pants are. So for every inch your pants are raised past the normal level you will spend an extra year in fashion jail. If your shirt is tucked in and your sweatpants are raised past your belly button you will serve a life term.

2. White cotton socks with a nice black suit. Of course you are only breaking the rule if one can actually see your socks - otherwise it's ok. Also, if the suit is not "nice," then you are off the hook and can even pull your socks up over your pants.

Feel free to add any fashion comments in the comments section. My monthly fashion magazine will be coming out soon. It will just be a lot of pictures of people dressed in funny clothes. I will be on the cover.

Mark news.

I got an email today from an old friend and it made me happy.
I will be working OT again this weekend.
I washed my work shirts yesterday. I don't do that very often.
I have a cold. It's the first time I've had one in years - at least one worthy of coughdrops and orange juice. It's blogworthy.
So for those that care, here is what life is sometimes like for Mark:

3 days of my week are like this: I wake up at 8:30 and catch the 9:04 train. It takes me ten minutes to get to the station and I eat breakfast! Crazy. Work starts at 10 and ends at 5:40. I listen to my Ipod for the train trip and sometimes when my coworkers are talking too loud...even though I do like them. After work on these three days I go to BJJ. Usually I stay there until about 9:15. At 9:30 they end, they all get in a circle, say things in Japanese, and take turns bowing. I leave early just to avoid being THAT GUY. I get home at about 10. Then I usually eat dinner...ideally something that I cook that night. Then the next morning I take it to work. Jiu Jitsu is honestly the first hobby I've ever had...well climbing was almost a hobby.

Anyway, those are three days of my week. The other four will come in Chapter 2. Maybe 2 and 3. Well, we know I will probably forget to finish this "blog series" and you will all die extremely curious as to what I do with four days of my week. Well, I actually have a lot of things that I mean to do. I have them sitting out, visual reminders that I should be doing them. But like I said, I have difficulty doing things sometimes.

Anyway, I am glad that I have friends who, every now and then, remind me that my life should have some direction. And I believe it does. I am in that stage where I think I am pointed in the right direction, I just haven't moved. I think I have been in that stage for too long. Honestly, I am getting sick of it. I promise that someday the "Mark's daily life blog series" will be something worth reading. Until then, you're just going to have to deal with a bunch of nonsense.

I finally got some ass from the neighbor

ass
Originally uploaded by terw0015.

Ikoma is a strange city. From what I understand, there are 30,000 people that live here. And from what I have experienced, after midnight, there is no place to get any painkillers at all. Yesterday I had this terrible headache. I tried to go to sleep at like 9pm. By midnight I was going crazy and decided I needed some meds. I started walking around the city. First to ampm, the local convenience store. Five different types of contact solution...nothing for a headache. Wandering around the city for awhile I ran into a 7-11. Again, lots of contact solution, but no meds. I don't understand it...not only the lack of things to treat a headache but what's the deal with the contact solution? Anyway, I paid a visit to my nice neighbor Valerie from Mauritius. She wasn't sure if she had anything, but she dug threw her first aid kit that she got in Germany and...well, she was pretty sure that these pills she had were for a headache. I don't know why she thought that. It was just white pills and on the back of the packaging it said ASS. That's it. Well, you know you have a bad headache when you are willing to take random pills labled ASS. Anyway, I think they worked. So, to all of you who expected some raunchy story about my late night encounter with the neighbor...I'm sorry. And Valerie, for being in my blog under such circumstances...I'm sorry...and thanks for the ASS (I have bufferin now if you ever need it).

My name is Mark, can I stay at your place for a few days?

I am going to spend a week in Tokyo this December. I am looking forward to everything except the part about it being "the most expensive city in the world." I guess coming from the "second most expensive city in the world," it shouldn't be that big of a deal. But of course, we are talking about the "cheapest guy in the world."

So far, on the internet $60 a night for a hotel is the average cheap price. So I could do that....or....

try to get random people from myspace.com to let me stay with them. I will let you know how it goes.

I remember road trippin in the early college days and being bummed out that we had to pay $30 for a hotel room - and that was before splitting it between five people.

And I did pushups yesterday. First in 7 months.

wanna make out?
Originally uploaded by terw0015.

I ironed my bed. I put my mattress outside. I slept in pants, socks and a long sleeve shirt. I changed my soap. And believe it or not, I went to the doctor!! About 20 pills ago, my entire body was covered by these. Hands? No, red bubbly sores. The worst part wasn't being so ugly, I'm used to that, it was the itching. The mosquito in the previous blog was able to fill itself to the MAX without me even noticing. Why? Because my entire body felt like it was being attacked by mosquitoes at all times. I hope the pic turns out. Its a cellphone one. I think in a few days I will write a blog about what I have actually been up to - in case anyone cares. Later

mozzy

mozzy
Originally uploaded by terw0015.

Well enough with the stupid story. I don't have the energy. But a warning to all mosquitoes: I like my blood, if you take it, I will kill you. First I will electrocute you. Then, I will photograph your stunned self. Then, after taking a Qtip and reclaiming my blood, I will take another picture. If you happen to be an extraordinarily large mozzy, I will put it on my blog.

An Introduction to Torture

The thing that sucks about blogging is you never really tell everything about your life. Not that you should or anything. But sometimes when you want to blog about one simple little thing, you realize that you will also have to incorporate three or four other entirely new events just so it will make sense. So that is what I will be doing here in a 2-5 part series I will call "torture." Of course, sometimes I say I am going to do something, I take one step, and then I stop. So maybe I will forget to finish and it won't make any sense. And for those that read my blog once a month or who stumble upon it by some cyberspace mishap, they will have to read it in reverse order. As far as I know, there is no way to change the settings so the first part is always shown first. Of course I could write it all in one blog. Or I could write it backwards. But really, one chapter at a time is hard enough for me. Actually, now that I think of it, it's going to be one of those that you can start at any point and just read all the way around again. Like a circle, it has no direction. Are there really books like this? That just loop around? Well if there aren't, there will be soon. So stay tuned.

Shopping at Costco

This blog is one of those advice blogs. Not one where you (worried in MN) write me with your problems and I give you advice - but one where I write about my problems and others give me advice. But I just want you to know that this isn't a sympathy blog. I don't expect you to feel sorry for me because of my huge problems. You don't need to get me a card or anything. I am just looking for advice. And besides, most likely you suffer from the same problems. Be assured, there are many of us out there. Or maybe you don't even know about it. Better to find out now and take care of it than to let it compound, like I have. This problem is one that I have been suffering from for about 6 years or so. I don't remember the first time it happened. And although I have always been aware of it, until now I have never thought about searching for a solution.

I think it is a problem that affects many college age students as well as recent graduates. When I go grocery shopping, I follow a simple shopping pattern and, over the years, it has become a habit. I walk up and down every single food aisle in the store. I look at every different product. If something looks good I buy it. The problem isn't with the food, it's with other shoppers who do the same thing. So maybe I'm in Costco and there are 20 aisles for me to go through. I am going through each one. Back and forth, while some other person does the same thing. Except...they are going the opposite direction. This means that I have to pass them one time for every aisle. Big deal. But if there only happen to be a few people in the entire store then I am sure you can see how this is weird. I know what you're thinking. Just say "hi" and you have a new friend, yaaay! Well it doesn't always work like that. Sometimes you say "hi" and they just glare at you like you're retarded. And then the problem enters the second stage. You have to walk by them again in about 60 seconds and then again until you have both covered every aisle in the stupid store. Do you greet them again as a way to show that their badassness didn't faze you? That would of course be my advice to someone who has the same problem. But easier said than done. All I know is that fleeing the aisle ranks or reversing course is shopping treason for all I'm concerned. Do you stare at some product and pretend that you are adding up the carbs as they pass by again? And again? And again? And what about cuddly couples? They always appear to feel obligated to break their embrace and get back to shopping. And I always feel like I'm crashing someone's party. Oh, here's Mark again...

So other than the options I've already discussed, I can only think of one more really. And that's not saying anything at all. Of course, walking by someone 20 times in a store, making eye contact, and then looking away without saying anything also seems rude. So...avoid eye contact? That's how I lived for the first 19 years of my life and it sucked.

So, for those of you suffering from this same problem, please feel free to post your thoughts. You can remain anonymous if you wish.

Unless of course there is some universal walking direction that everyone already knows and I have been walking the wrong way all my life (that may explain a lot of things). If that's the case, I'll feel pretty stupid. It would explain the occasional odd looks I get. And my friends would be huge jerks.

Nothing to do with ESL

Well, I have been here for six months - the contract is half way over. Do I have any money? No. But my piggy bank (aka brain) has been filling up with other things such as... cultural knowledge! All of the things that I, at one point, found confusing about Japanese people/culture can be traced back to one thing.

Japanese men hate their wives.

Of course I don't mean to stereotype, but I believe this best explains some of the cultural oddities that I have encountered.

One of the things that baffled me early on was how people would just line up at the crosswalk and wait for the little green man to flash. I of course would just walk around them, look both ways and cross the street. Not only would I do this while the man was red, I would cross at a diagonal. I can't remember the last time I felt like such a rebel - probably while chewing gum in my 10th grade confirmation class. Anyway, my early theories on why they were not crossing the street:
a. respect for the law
b. a fear of being the first one to do it and having everyone else look on in shame
c. not wanting to look both ways but well aware of the consequences of not doing so

But after many conversations with different husbands and wives I am now convinced that Japanese men hate their wives. The sooner they cross the street, the sooner they get home. This, coupled with a few other cultural aspects creates J culture. While to many outsiders, J culture consists of geisha girls, temples and statues all competing for attention with robot dogs and bullet trains, J culture is completely different.

J culture consists mainly of work and shopping.

Men seem to work 70 hours a week - and they don't really like their jobs. Women seem to shop for 70 hours a week - spending the man's hard earned cash. Do the men care? No. Do they complain? As far as I know...no. Why do they do this? Well, because...Japanese men hate their wives.

The more they are at work - the more they are out of the house - making money to keep their wives out of the house. Where I am from, this would never work. The working man would not give his wife any money. Thus he wouldn't be forced to work 80 hours a week. The woman would have to get a job. Then for whatever reason they would get divorced. But in Japan they don't seem to split up quite so often. It's not as cool I guess. The stress then builds until the man can no longer take it and is forced to seek refuge the only acceptable way - avoidance. This also explains things such as karaoke and pachinko - numbers 3 and 4 on the J culture list. I will save those for another blog. So, what this all boils down to is - next time you see someone waiting for the "walk" sign to signal them across an empty street - go up and say "hi." Help them out, they hate their life. Unless of course they are 5, then it's because they have poor depth perception, short legs, and cars can't see them.

Who's afraid of foreigners?

Yesterday I taught one of his kids - today I had him. Trying to kill time, I asked him how his son was doing and told him that I was the kid's teacher yesterday. The boy couldn't really do anything except say "eeemmm, eeemmm," but I didn't tell pops. I think he already knew what his son could say. He then told me the real reason that his children were taking English lessons. Not to learn English - but to get used to foreigners. He said that he didn't see his first foreigner until he was well into his double digits, and when he did...yikes!
"What scared you about foreigners?"
"Well...blond hair, blue eyes, tall....muscular...chest hair."

The best part was he seemed so serious when he was telling me this.

I teach English to Japanese people

In this lesson, the lady was supposed to learn how to reply politely to someone who is telling you a tall tale or something like that. Things like - are you sure, that couldn't have happened, yeah, whatever etc. So I started off the lesson by telling her the story of the stretchy guy who breaks into houses by sliding through the chimney, toilet or vents. He then kills them and eats their liver. He needs the livers to sustain him for his thirty year hibernation. And when that ends, everything will start all over again. One of the classic X-files episodes from season one. Ideally, after about three sentences, the lady would say "yeah, sure, and bees might fly out of my butt." But she insisted on listening to the whole thing without speaking. And then when I was finished she looked shocked. I am not sure if it was because she couldn't believe what her instructor just told her, or if it was because she was scared for her life. Anyway, it was funny.

Yesterday, after getting tired of the kids I was teaching, I changed the language from something like "I am hungry" to "I am hopeless." It's amusing how I can just say that sentence a few times and they will all repeat it over and over again as they parade around the room with big smiles on their faces.

Blue Steel vs Magnum

http://themagnumgroup.net/

The Magnum Group

They offer CAD services. They're from India and they're "mad as hell." Rather than depend on commercials or good old fashioned word of mouth, they are getting their name out there by dropping spam in the comment section of my blog. Well Mr Lakshman Balaraman, I've got news for you. Advertising on my page won't do you any good. I don't know how they do it in India, but in (insert country here) they pay for advertising. And seriously. Do you know what kind of people read my blog? The kind that will pay for your services with counterfeit money and stolen checks. OK, seriously, you're trying to advertise on a page that is read by 4 different people - once a month -and they are from Pakistan.

By the way. I want to visit India someday. Want to meet up somewhere? Your English seems pretty good and someone to show me around would be great. I can't help you with any CAD stuff but I can give you some great PR tips - free of charge. You can even take my picture (neck up only) and use it on your webpage and billboards (trust me I'm hot).

Finally

Pulled off my first twister today - from the bottom. It's a spine lock that I have been sporadically trying to do for a few months now. I just wish it was legal.
Yes!

U of MN journalism at its finest

I didn't read the article. But the headline says it all: Report finds bar air cleaner since ban. Does the study conclude that a closed room with a bunch of people smoking in it will have air that is dirtier than that of a room without smokers? I don't know. Why don't you read it and find out.

Does smoking actually clean up the air? Is it good for your lungs? I don't know. Like I said, I didn't read the article.

Kung Fu, babes and cages. Japan - where it's all at.

Events from a couple days ago.

My boy Nobuki. He is really low level and tries really hard. He reminds me of..from HS Dan Olson...from UMD M Hill...from the U...No one, sorry, I hung out with normal people. Anyway, he whipped out his comic books. I was thinking - oh man, 40 min of him telling me about some J Kung Fu story. Anyway, at some point he either thought I asked "do you know Kung Fu?" or he asked if I wanted a demonstration while I was carelessly nodding my head up and down like I knew what he was talking about. Either way, out of nowhere, he got up, checked the door to make sure no one was looking, and then went into Kung Fu mode. He was doing all these crazy chops, grunts, stomps etc. It was great. I wish I had a picture. I was trying not to laugh because he was so serious about it. But I couldn't help it.

A different lesson, same day.
Again, doing the doc/patient lesson.
Ending the class with "so, have you ever been to the hospital?"

"yes, when I was six" He then went on to demonstrate how he broke his arm in the escalator. Apparently he just refused to let go and his arm went back around with the railing. I am still not exactly sure - I want a pic. I asked him what his mom said: "you're a bad boy!" I am not sure if he was wondering why I was laughing so much at his "I broke my arm" story. I hope not.

And finally, getting a fortysomething year old guy to tell me about his first love. He was in 3rd grade at the time. "She was 9."
What did he like about her? "She was beautiful."

All in a day's work.

Yesterday's quote, from the "let's buy a pet" lesson. "We have to keep someone in a cage." :)

Resumes

I remember when I was trying to type up a good resume. I was looking at all these online examples and they were all so stupid. I just stumbled across some real resumes on a work wanted type site If someone has "experience with Word," does that make them more qualified for anything? Isn't that a given? Aren't resumes usually created with Word?

Maybe the real key to getting a good job is letting your employer know that you can read. People never put this on their resume. The HR dept won't assume anything (especially if you're from the UofM). Who wants to hire people that can't read? Haha. (Insert joke about Kate's job here).... ok ok, mine too.

Another day....another day

Today I was trying to get a guy to understand the phrase: you/you've lost me. He understood it. But what he couldn't understand was why no one ever says "I lost me." You lost me/I lost me. Now I am confused as to why nobody ever says it. Yay, I just lost me!

According to my transcript, I went to UMD

- - - - - Beginning of Undergraduate Record - - - - -
Fall Semester 1999
University of Minnesota, Duluth
College of Sci & Engineering
Undecided Pre-Major
Attempted Earned
ART 1001 Art Today 3.00 3.00 B-
ECON 1023 Prin Econ: Micro 3.00 3.00 B-
MATH 1160 Finite, Intro Calc 5.00 5.00 D+
PE 1402 Tennis 1.00 1.00 A-
SBE 1101 Bus Environment 3.00 3.00 C
TERM GPA : 2.156 TERM TOTALS : 15.00 15.00


Everything about this is strange. My grades were horrible. Engineering? I guess to be fair, by blaming my grades on my high school, I must also give credit where it's due. Yes, that's LPGE tennis representin! ha.

Seriously, seeing the beginning of my transcript does bring back memories...of all the things I used to do instead of going to class...the homework and reading assignments that I didn't do. And it's a painful reminder of how sometimes not doing a thing will quite possibly result in...nothing. It puts in perspective how much I've changed during the past 6 years. If Senior Mark (5th year!) would have seen Freshman Mark he would have laughed and thanked the Lord for people like him...because they made him feel smart. This is one of those blogs that I might regret putting up later.

Keeping em quiet

McRae, what exactly do you do for an elementary education major? Do they have like a...wasting time class? Where they teach you different tips and techniques to make it to the bell? I am slowly learning stuff as I go. I imagine normal teachers have a book or something, so if you have any good ones let me know. My new favorite trick is to make sure that before the kids start coloring that they all have very sharp colored pencils. While this could be dangerous, coloring with crayons is just too fast. Colored pencils (sharp ones) extend the coloring session an extra five minutes. And if you point out all the little spots they missed, that's an extra five minutes. So if you have any tips on dragging stuff on, just leave them in the comment box. Of course - serious answers only!

Nara candles

Nara candles
Originally uploaded by terw0015.

Went to some festival in Nara. There were candles everywhere. Honoring the dead(I accidentally kicked over 2 candles). Saw a big dog, some temples, and some deer. Nothing too special is coming to mind. I bet mike blogs about this even though he would be breaking the "only one person can blog about each event" rule. And then he will say he didnt see mine.

Old school

Back to a Japan related blog. Two more quotes, both from the same lesson. It was the "I'm the doc, you're the patient" lesson. I had themcome up with their own problems. There were only two students in the class and they both had some killer lines. I started them off by saying something like "so what seems to be the problem?"

Guy #1 "I have a hangover. And I drank a bottle of medicine to cheer me up."
I cracked up.

Guy #2 "I broke my legs"
Me "when did this happen?"
Guy #2 "yesterday"

Again, I was laughing.

And today I had to play Uno again. Yes, I get paid to play Uno. One day this guy is going to win. I modified the rules on my side. I am no longer allowed to change the color by playing the same number - but I can still use wilds. The result of this was the longest unfinished game of Uno that I have ever played. Highlights were my student playing the wild card and then "changing" the color to the color that it already was - twice. And, playing the wild card and changing the color to a color that he didn't have - twice.

Holy Cats!

Well here is one for you Kate, I got it from the Strib:

"Study deems the Twin Cities liberal"

Twin cities? Liberal?

Deem:
To have as an opinion; judge.
To regard as; consider.

I didn't read the article. I just hope the study was funded by private donations.

Donuts aren't just for cops

Kate, your blog reminded me of my own donut story. Back in the warehouse days I used to work pretty long hours sometimes. And those days when the shifts reached the 14-16 hour mark - we would get donuts. It was always so nice to feel that our hardwork and long hours didn't go unnoticed. And they were always the good kind. I guess they weren't donut donuts, but rather rolls, with custard, twists, all that junk. The stuff fat rich people buy - as opposed to poor fat people. Well, it turned out that there was no benevolent manager. It was actually a co-worker!! How thoughtful. It would be difficult for someone to bring in 50 rolls once a week, especially on warehouse worker dollars, but he managed to do it.

Well, only a country bumkin like myself would assume that some poor fellow went out of his way to make others happy - especially at a Minneapolis warehouse. The reason we only got the donuts when we worked long hours was because it wasn't until around 5am that the neighboring gas station got their shipment and my sly coworker would go swipe a box from the truck. So yes, they were stolen, but they were still good. He did this for quite a few weeks and we all loved it...

But, all good things must come to an end. The police took his car (or his license, can't remember). Anyway, he couldn't drive.

So to make a long story short. If you are ever dropping someone off at the hospital who is suffering from multiple gunshot wounds - don't just roll them out of the car onto the sidewalk and take off. It's illegal. I am not sure why. I don't make the laws. But when the police take your car, it may be your co-workers that suffer the most. Who cares if he was "whinnin like a little baby" or "it was just a little 22." The sidewalk is for bums, not your bleeding accomplice.

Typical

A copy and paste from CNN. Found it funny...not sure why.

When asked if that was a threat of possible retaliation, Rumsfeld replied, "I don't imply threats."

Kamikochi

Originally uploaded by terw0015.

She was working on her flowers when I asked her how to get to the temple. She started pointing in every different direction and went inside. I could hear her washing her hands. I was about 90% sure that she said "just a minute." But my Japanese sucks. So I said "thank you" and started walking off. Then she said it again and came out with a tomato sliced in two and her cane. She gave me the tomato and started walking me down the street. She was very Yoda like, she had the size, the cane, and I am sure she had the wisdom too. I don't like tomatoes, but I forced myself to eat it. When I took too long of a break she would point to it as if to remind me it was still in my hand. Then I would take another bite and use my smile to reassure her that her tomatoes were excellent. She kept talking to me as if I understood Japanese, maybe because I kept nodding my head like I understood Japanese. The tomato had left its nasty residue all over my hand - nothing like ketchup or tomato soup either. I managed to choke down half of the tomato. We arrived at the temple, she turned around and waddled back. I chucked the other half of the tomato into the temple bushes. I like things with tomatoes in them, just not straight tomatoes. After the whole experience I went camping and had the typical non-blogworthy camping experience. Here's a pic.

Rant

Every now and then one of those websites pops up that is just annoying – even worse than mine! http://www.werenotafraid.com/ Two things about this site, not only is the entire thing ridiculous, but they have bracelets for sale! Enough with the stupid rubbery bracelets. Stop it! They are OK if they are the Lance Armstrong Live Strong or whatever bracelets, because those are the originals – as far as I know anyway. But all the other “let’s sell some bracelets” groups need to stop.

So the idea of this website – as reported on by the ever so popular Strib – is that people send in pictures of themselves holding up signs or with a printed text that says “were not afraid.” It is of course a message to the terrorists. Is there some secret tape somewhere of Osama or some other terrorist guy discussing their plans to scare the entire world? Where did this whole scare thing come from? I remember something about “shock and awe.” That sounds like it might have been scary. If they wanted to scare us, they would write a book like Stephen King – he gets paid for it. Or they could dress up like gremlins and go around asking for candy. While I have no direct (or even indirect – I hope) connections to any Middle Eastern terrorist groups, I am pretty sure that the bombs in London were not meant to scare people. My best guess is that they were meant to kill people – hence the trains during rush hour etc. And these websites with all these people holding up their stupid signs just weird me out. Do they feel like they are really brave because they “are not scared.” What are they trying to do? Show the world that as they sit inside of their country home, in front of their webcam that they aren’t scared? What do they have to be scared of – an audit, a computer virus,Count Chocula? Who knows. I am sure if the average Iraqi citizen had internet they would all get a good laugh. Either way, this rant has gone on long enough. Since blowing the crap out of their homes and neighboring cities doesn’t seem to deter anything, I guess there is nothing wrong with thousands of people taking pictures of themselves and putting them on a website – that should do the trick…too bad they didn’t think of that a few hundred billion dollars ago. Anyway, the site would be a lot cooler if you could rate each picture. Then you would have to have the option of looking at the highest rated pictures for each gender…just a suggestion. Oh, and you should be able to send them private messages of course.

Japanese Poetry

If you don't live in Japan, you have no idea. But the Japanese English is great. Many Westerners laugh at its strange Mad Lib style grammar and word selection. But I have come to appreciate the true beauty of what I call Japanese Poetry. Anyone can do it. All you really need is a marker, a tshirt, and a dictionary. I can not quote any off the top of my head, but I have decided that I should get into the shirt making business. My shirts would say things like:

The loving breeze flown into his hair, but his thoughts were on it.
The beautiful dance did not assist the injury.
The life lost was a sweet harmony to all.
Crying was scared to sing beauty.
Lovers never eat raw distaste
The poor man felt for your soul, but it was gone like the aura of silence.

That was like 30 seconds of randomness, but im serious, these would be best sellers. Feel free to enter your own ideas (but I may steal them)

ps. shoplifting thoughts was he did it best to win the game of blog.

ha! beat that.

I moved house

Normally I would never say "I moved house." Is that even normal? But according to our textbooks it's OK and I now teach Japanese people to say this. When they ask me about the grammar I just say its Aussie English. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. Either way, I now live in a different apartment. I got wireless internet today and it works - and mike - I didn't even have to restart my computer. HAHA. It's too late for me to think now. I will give you the mark update later.

bye

In other news, I left my suitcase on the train today. haha

Sometimes one small thing can put everything in perspective. So today at work I thought of the coolest joke. It goes something like this: what are the 21st and 18th letters of the alphabet? Answer: You Are! ahahhahaha. At the time it seemed really funny. Sometimes when really boring people tell you about their really boring job (like I a doing now) while using a really monotonous voice, things like my joke can seem really funny. Either that or I have the lamest sense of humor in the world. Either way, that's the kind of stuff I think of while I work.

In other news, Kate, those postcards were pretty good. http://postsecret.blogspot.com The sad thing is that they remind me of my life. Since I read them 24 hours ago I have had two different encounters that just made me want to write up a special postcard! The first one would say something like this:

Today I saw a crazy homeless man feeding the birds. He was having so much fun. I couldn't help but think how sad it was that this is probably the most fun he has had in weeks. It was the coolest thing I saw all day.

and

This one girl I teach will cry if I call on her. Now I just wait until I see her eyes tearing up and then I call on someone else. As soon as her eyes dry up, I call on her again. I do this the entire lesson - it makes me feel good about myself.

Head shoulders knees and toes, knees and toes.

I had my first kid’s class yesterday. It didn’t go too bad. It’s amazing how smooth things can seem when no one is watching. Teaching kids was when I realized how nice it is to be working for an English teaching company that doesn’t care about the actual learning part – just the money. Apparently sometime during the last few months I was kids trained. I don’t remember any of that. I do remember a nice girl singing and dancing, but that’s all.

So, to sum up my group of kids, I basically just sat there saying things like “is he walking” or something. And ideally they would say “yes” or “no.” Even better, they would say, “he is walking.” But that did not happen. Pointing to a picture I asked “is he walking?” I am sure they would have replied if they were not so busy entertaining themselves. One girl did sit there and appear to be listening. But even if she was it would have been difficult due to the screaming from the one dude as he did laps around the room while twirling his shirt over his head. The other kid was having fun squeezing his own butt cheeks and making farting noises with his mouth. I actually kind of liked “teaching” these kids. It was entertaining. The only thing I am dreading is that someday I am going to have to do it while someone observes me. I imagine I will be about ready to quit by then anyway.

Also, a poem from my friend Margaret (i think the "mark" she refers to may be me):
mark my friend is bored in japan, needs to get out and see more of the land, beautiful and abundant as it may be, mark doesnt realise there is much more to see, his eyes already fixed on the road ahead, without stopping to indulge on the path that led, time will fly and he eventually will see, what a wonderful experience japan can be.

Bin Laden location: CIA confident

According to CNN. And if you ask them (or read the article) it probably says "according to the CIA." Either way, how come every 2-3 months the CIA says they know exactly where he is. Why don't they go arrest him or something? Is that in the plan? Are we waiting for him to invite us over?

Of course I did not actually read the article. But I can only guess as to why they know where he is but don't do anything about it. Isn't the US fighting a war because of him or something? I don't really know - I'm in Japan. Well, anyway, I am trying to guess what the reasons are that CNN lists in its article. Here is my list, feel free to add yours to the comment section. Don't forget the napoleonisms afterwards. And no reading the article, that's cheating!

1. The NBA playoffs - aghh
2. He is on the other side of the world. geez.
3. The war on terror used up all our arresting funds. gosh!
4. We got Saddam, what do we want Osama for! uhhhh
5. If the CIA arrested everyone they had info on they would arrest everyone.
6. Osama and the CIA are tight. Whaddaya think!



OK, I realize this article didn't really have anything to do with Japan, but there is nothing on my mind and I didn't want to go an entire month without updating this worthless piece of internet space. Visiondirect sucks.

Mark

my knees suck

Jiu jitsu. My knee said "pop!" I said "what?" And it didn't reply. I guess that's a good thing. I had my other knee pop about two weeks ago. Two weeks of inconvenience but it feels fine now. I am thinking worse case scenario it's just another ligament tear. Maybe not even that. I'll see how it feels tomorrow. Maybe I will luck out and the pop was just cartiledge and the pain is just my imagination (it's not that bad).

DsyndClub

DsyndClub
Originally uploaded by terw0015.

I was walking to the store, just as I do everyday during my lunch break. Walking over the bridge, my worst dreams were realized. The Down Syndrome Club was back. I see them about twice a week, always on my way to the store. They block the entrance. They shout at me. They stare at me. They crowd around me. They intimidate me. Sometimes numbering in the upper teens. A small gang, avoiding detection by operating during daylight hours and loitering near the station exit - in case they need to make a quick getaway. They pretend to sell baked goods, probably as a fund raiser for a new van or something, but only God knows what they are really up to. Money laundering, drug smuggling? I have no idea. But aware that getting into legal troubles could mean my exodus, I usually bury my chin into my chest, walk past them without making any eye contact, and buy my snacks at the small corporation about 10 feet behind them. But today was different. I am not exactly sure why. Maybe there were more. Maybe they were shouting louder. Maybe I made accidental eye contact. I don't remember. But I do know that I somehow managed to end up standing in front of their table pointing at different goods. I had crossed the line. There was no turning back. It didn't matter if the cookies were way overpriced or that they appeared to be have been taken from a larger bag of cookies and repackaged. It didn't matter that the comfort and safety of the store was just a few steps away. Was I funding some Middle Eastern terrorist group? It didn't matter. I pointed to a bag, gave them some money, and then left. They had my money, I walked away with some cookies and a new outlook on life. Everything was going to be OK. As I walked away the entire group erupted into what appeared to be a non-planned, unrehearsed, yet synchronized dance and cheer. What were they saying? I don't know. Did they finally get enough money to buy some remote activated mines? Were they laughing at the fact that in about 15 minutes the cookies would be causing my vital organs to shutdown? Or did they just make their first sale in two weeks? I don't know. Either way, they seemed to be happy (and my organs seem to be alright - at least normal).

Well, if you're wondering, the cookies tasted like sugarless chocolate cookies. They were either left out in the open air for too long or they were 3 weeks old. Either way, I ate them all and was pleased to find a piece of paper inside the bag with a drawing of what appears to be a fly sitting on a small banana next to some flowers - or a sailboat sailing by some large flowers. You be the judge. So in conclusion, maybe people with Down Syndrome are not always scheming afterall.

Why Japan doesn't stand a chance against N. Korea

Solving problems with neighbors. Trying to get them to say something like "I would ask them to turn down the radio/clean up their yard" etc.

Me: imagine your neighbor has lots of garbage in their yard, it smells really bad, what will you do?

One girl: I will clean it.

The other dude: I will move.

Work related blog

Two more quotes that were pretty funny from yesterday. I was having the class discuss their favorite animals - and why. Something like that shouldn't be this entertaining, but...

"Penguins are so mysterious, you never know what they're thinking." And, "cats have great imaginations."

Margaret T.

Margaret T.
Originally uploaded by terw0015.

Margaret. Pronounced mar-gar-et. Not margret – like it’s spelled. I first met her in the staffroom at work. She started a conversation with me. I don’t remember what she said, I can only guess. Probably something like “hi, I’m Margaret.” All I know is that I rarely start conversations. Details about our first encounter are foggy. Not only was it over a month ago, but I was frantically trying to figure out how to pretend like I speak proper English. I was also wearing a tie which decreases memory by about 25% - studies show. After my first two weeks in Japan, Margaret was my best friend. She helped me buy a cell phone. If she hadn’t, I probably still wouldn’t have one. She brought me to Osaka Castle, told me how to say “ticket” in Japanese and made me sing Bohemian Rhapsody at a karaoke bar. One of her eyes had kind of a squint to it. It was kinda cute and I always wanted to ask her why. But that’s just a strange question I guess. I have a “spock” ear, or as they are called by the new generation of elementary school kids, “hobbit ears.” A little kid in Hawaii pointed out (pun? almost?) that I had a hobbit ear and it wasn’t the most flattering thing. If it wasn’t for the fact that he came up to my knee I would have told him about my hobbit ancestry. Anyway. Margaret was heading home about three weeks after I arrived. And she’s married. So why do I spend all this time getting to know someone who I may never see again in three weeks – and is married? I don’t know. Maybe it’s because she is so cool. Or maybe I am strange. Maybe the rest of the kids at work aren’t the type I would hang out with. Who knows? Either way…. Well let’s just say its cause she is cool, after all, this is her blog. Well I had all this cool stuff to say about her but, I am forgetting it. She keeps interrupting me on MSN. So Margaret, the flattering stuff I had planned to say about you just escaped me. And it’s your fault. So to make a long story short, she is cool even if she single handedly reduced my number of friends in Japan to zero. Oh well. So here you go Margaret, the blog you requested. If anyone else would like a blog dedicated to them, just let me know. Oh yeah, she knows how to play Minesweeper. What a nerd! OK, the end.

My favorite work quote so far. We were talking about getting favors from friends and I was trying to get him to ask his imaginary neighbor to take care of his imaginary cat. “Will you feed me my cat?” I cracked up laughing.

What is this? I don't know

What is this? I don't know
Originally uploaded by terw0015.

Before you start, I already know what you're thinking. We've lost Mark, oh no!!!" But stop, don't worry. So I have 20 dress shirts now and I had 10 regular shirts in four years of high school. Big deal. So two of my dress shirts are pink. Whoopdiddydoda. I am still the same old Mark, except I dress like an idiot. As soon as I get out of the corporate world it's straight back to t-shirts with holes, yellow pits and paint stains. But I haven't changed completely.

Despite my ridiculous wardrobe, I still manage to maintain some typical Mark traits. I do not wash my clothes. My clothes rack is by a permanently open window, so I figure with as many dress shirts as I have, I will just get into a rotation and by the time a shirt gets its second chance it will be clean again. Also, I had difficulty with my belt. All the belts were for little people and they had one huge one, so I got that. I had to punch my own hole in it, I was a little off but it still works. The only problem is it's a little loose and it tends to shift to the side throughout the day. It doesn't actually hold up my pants, it's just for looks I guess.

And finally, I have been here over a month, wearing a tie everyday, and do I know how to tie one? No. I have a diagram bookmarked on my internet, I am 0-1 trying to tie one. I think I’ll just be pulling them over my head for the rest of the year.

Apartment View

apartment view
Originally uploaded by terw0015.

New used camera

I live on the 8th floor

The elevator only stops on floors 7 and 10, so I have to go up or down a flight of stairs everytime I use it. Just for the heck of it I decided to see if I could hold my breath from the first floor to the seventh floor. I am not sure why I did that. I am sure I am not the first to do so. But I am almost sure that I am the first person to spend five minutes blogging about such a stupid thing. Why would I tell people I did that? How could that help me in any way? Unless of course it is a plea for help - that's about the only reason I can think of.

Prostitues, fungal cream and grease.

"I really quite enjoy beating up prostitutes...basically." -my new roommate Leon.

Quotes can be so much more powerful without context.

Today is my Monday, I of course have nothing to do really except buy things. I had my first day of Jiu Jitsu here yesterday. It went very well. I need to learn some Japanese though. I have also ate fast food for 3 days in a row, and then today I had 3 donuts. I will be going grocery shopping in a few minutes and will thus be ending my record setting streak of greece indulgence. Working 40 hours a week makes things like grocery shopping difficult. The shops where I live are closed by 5. The latest one is open until 9, but they don't have any chicken.

Another streak recently came to an end a few days ago. Up until April 21st (my bday), I had wore the same pair of pants to work everyday - without being washed. The plan was to make it the entire month - no reason really - just to see if I could do it I guess. But then, with just over a week to go, I somehow managed to get chocolate on them. Dangit! I have to wear a suit to work everyday and I hate it. I think it is the corporate way of keeping morale low. Either way, my attempt to be different in even the smallest way was squashed, and by chocolate, go figure. But don't worry, I started a new streak and I am on day number 6!

The cool thing about having just moved to Japan is I can keep track of all these "streaks" really easily. Things are easy to remember. I am always thinking of things that I haven't done since I have been in Japan - and a streak is born.

For example, I haven't taken any type of pain killer. I forgot the Tylenol in Hawaii. There have only been a a few times when I wish I had it and with Jiu Jitsu there will probably be a few more. The problem is that everything is in Japanese, or maybe it's that I don't speak Japanese, one of the two. So my options are to basically get the cashier's attention, point to my head, grimace, and then point to a rack of bottles and hope for the best or to somehow figure out from an English speaking person what I need. Either way, I don't care enough to do it now because I feel fine. And if I get a bad headache I am definitely not going to want to head down to the pharmacy and hope that whatever they give me is for the actual pain. So maybe I will have a year long streak of medicine free living. I am, however, looking forward to trying out my new "eye drops." Fungal cream, ambesol, lotion, I don't care. I just hope it's not glue. I will let you know how it goes.

Why are they in such a hurry?

So I have been in Japan for about 3 weeks now. This is my first blog since I arrived. I just got internet this morning - a bday present from Mark. So I guess I will start my Japanese blogging by explaining one of the things I find unique about Japan. First of all, there are many unique things about Japan - especially for an American. But there is one thing that seems to be very unique and for some reason concerns me more than it probably should. And that is the actions of the elderly on the subways.

Sometimes the subways are packed, people can barely fit in the doors. For this reason, it is understandable for the old people to want to get one of the few seats. Even when the trains are not packed, often some people will have to stand. So it is completely understandable when an elerly person just cuts right into the line. I think it would be ideal if people would just give up their seats for them, but apparently that's not how it works. So maybe budging is a necessary evil, either way, I don't mind it.

But the problem comes when it's time to get off. Where are they going in such a hurry? It happens all the time. I spend my whole train trip standing just because I let some old lady sit in a seat. And what happens when it's time to get off? She cuts me off! It happens all the time - its usually old ladies. And it bothers me. I let them get there seats, that's fair. Now when the train stops, let all the people who are standing get off and then the people who are in seats can leave. I now make a point of not allowing old ladies to cut in front of me. So when I am waiting by the door, the train stops, and I see her sneaking towards the door thinking she can just walk right in front of me, what happens? That's right. I don't let her. I purposly block her. I keep just enough space inbetween myself and the people on my left and right so that the old lady can't fit through the crack. It happens everytime. As soon as the train starts to stop, out of the corner of my eye or in the reflection of the door I see a small figure closing in, like Yoda but faster, weaving and squeezing through any little spot, just to get right up to the door for a fast exit. But now I am the one doing the cutting. Because their legs are so short it looks as if they are walking really fast, but one of my steps equals three of theirs. So one simple sidestep and their route has disappeared.

So the moral of this story? If you are sitting in a seat on the train, let the people who are standing get off first. Remember, if you are 3 feet tall, speeding along trying to carelessly pass someone and that person happens to be 6 feet tall, what's going to happen when he cuts you off?

The countdown begins

packing. in less than 48 hours i will be packed and out of this house. it reminds me of college. moving, packing, deadlines. i hate packing and getting ready for flights. i always have this anxiety caused by the thought in the back of my mind that something is going to go wrong. either i will miss my flight or i will get to the airport and they will say something about my visa or ticket and there will be this big problem. of course if i make the flight i could always end up in japan and then they will refuse to let me out of the terminal - it would be like the movie - except if i spend months in a terminal i probably wouldn't fall in love, let alone make any friends or get food. i would probably just go crazy and make some terroristic remark and end up in jail in japan. or maybe i can't find my ride and have to somehow get myself from the airport to my apartment by myself. i think i could get that done. why am i thinking about how frustrating that would be? i should just not think about it. of course having all the time in the world to pack would naturally lead me to wait until the last day to run all my errands and then pack,and say good bye to everyone.

kate, no talking about me at lunch. i can already imagine how your conversation went.
"remember last year when we had that weird roomate who was always in the kitchen?"

"oh yeah, what was his name, that funny looking kid?"

"i think it was mark."

"i am pretty sure he was taking 19 credits. with the amount of class time and homework that must have entailed, coupled with the amount of time he spend in the kitchen, he must have failed. what is he up to now? did he drop out, move out and burn out?"

"i don't know, but i am glad we were able to reclaim the kitchen again."

"yeah, now when i steal food i don't have to look over my shoulder to wait until he buries his head into his big bowl of leftover concoction."

"right on brother, and when i decide not to do someone else's dishes that i used, i don't have to feel like he is going to rat me out - i don't want a KPA spanking."

"yeah, the best part is when i sleepwalk into the kitchen naked at 4am i can help myself to whatever i want, dance my sleepwalk dance, sing my sleepwalk song, and eat kate's food in the nude. the next day i don't even feel any shame, our kitchen security guard has been relocated to a mall."


jerks.
MT

The ACLU strikes again.

It's always great when MN makes national news. Actually it's not. If 50% of news stories were positive, then I guess it would be good half the time. But...trading Randy Moss is the closest thing to good news MN has ever had - and I still think that's bad news. So everyone now knows that a MN high school student went on a school rampage. Yay! Of course nowdays that seems to happen. The odd thing is that he apparently obtained his ideals from neo-nazi websites. If a Native American tried to get into the Texas branch of the nazi party he would have some difficulties. In fact, the southern nazis would probably get a nice laugh out of the poor confused soul. But Minnesota? Yes. Watch out for those blue states. CA and NY, this could happen to you.

Since WWII, things have changed. With all this non-discrimination stuff floating around, the neo-nazis have had to take a strong look at themselves. They have broken tradition and changed their ideology. I guess that is where the neo comes from. Today, anyone can be a nazi. It no longer matters how much or how little white they have "in them." The neo-nazis are now an equal opportunity employer. Oh, how Hitler would cringe if he were alive today. He is probably spinning in his grave right now.

I am a traditionalist. While I am not a nazi, I think the neo-nazis need change - a sort of reversal. So to all those who claim to be neo-nazis who are reading this. Stick to your roots. Don't let the ACLU feed you all this civil liberties crap. Stay strong. Hate minorities. Next time some Indian kid visits your website looking for company, let him know that he is not welcome. You do not like Indians and you believe they are inferior. Repeat that a few times to yourself. Sure, your ideology may alienate you from your Indian, Jewish and African friends. But it will also pave the way to new friendships - with people just like you - who are pissed off and just want a friend. Again, stick to your roots. Tell all those minority nazi wannabes that they should just go make friends with other minorities, or normal "majorities." Does that make sense? Hitler did a pretty good job of getting Germany to hate Jews - while taking over Europe. And he died doing so, just so future nazis could reign supreme. And look at you losers? Taking his ideology and twisting it into some kind of all accepting hate group? That's pathetic. When you get to hell, Hitler is going beat you.

My feeding tube

My feeding tube is CNN and Fox News. I wish somebody would pull the plug and replace it with SNL reruns from the 90's. Being bored out of your mind has its disadvantages, but believe me, being bored out of your mind and having cable television has to be worse. Despite majoring in History and Global Studies, I have yet to figure out the different ideologies between the democrat/liberal and republican/conservative parties. And I know liberal and democrat etc. are not always synonomous, but I will be using them interchangably. I think people often put too much thought into everything when it is in fact very simple. One party will all of a sudden give very strong support for something (usually when it's bored or in trouble) and then the other party will instinctively oppose it (except war of course).

This whole feeding tube frenzy just baffles me. When did the liberals get on the whole "kill the handicapped" bandwagon. And when did the conservatives ever make a big deal out of rights for the handicapped? I have this theory that after the feeding tube was invented, liberals were all going "yay" while conservatives were saying "as long as it's not our tax dollars." And look at the situation now? I think if someone with political power ever wanted to actually get something done, all they would have to do is start a bill to do the opposite. And then when the other party opposes it, just say "ok, you win." It would be fast and efficient.

The whole argument aside, can't they at least propose a better way to end it? I mean maybe euthenasia is bad on a criminal, but can it be that bad on a handicapped person? See, if it were conservatives arguing for the right to die, it would be by euthanasia. It has to be better than starvation. Just give the husband a club or something. I would rather be clubbed to death by my spouse than starved to death. I mean Americans are killing themselves by eating too much - wouldn't that be the way to go? A heart attack - ideal. So the husband keeps saying "it's what she would have wanted, blahblah." (I can't actually cite that). But starving to death? Who wants that? Lots of Africans? No.

So finally, I am glad the good ol USA can find another huge international story to make itself look stupid. I guess why stop now. While people all over the world are fighting for actual rights (like rights to live etc.) the USA is fighting for the right to die. So, to all my dedicated readers from Asia, the Middle East, Africa and Central America. Save yourselves the bother of fighting for your actual rights. Before you know it, they will just come full circle and you will start all over again. So go back to your bunkers, and remember, those guys trying to kill you? I am sure it's what you would want if you were allowed to speak.

CNN/feeding tube

Today on CNN's website they posted their daily poll question. It is as follows: Would you want your relatives to remove the feeding tube if you were in a persistent vegetative state?

I hate these poll questions. They are always yes/no, good/bad, or agree/disagree. They never provide any type of context. What are all the factors. We need to know these things in if we want to properly contribute to a stupid unscientific poll. My true answer could always be either one depending on something.

So, the first problem with this question - why do relatives remove it? And why can't it just be a relative? How do they decide which relative removes it? Should it be the one who loves or hates you the most?

So what is my answer to the question? Well, it depends. It depends what they are feeding me. I guess what type of music they are playing in the background would also be a factor (they better have something going). If I am ever on a feeding tube - one of you better make sure that I am fat. If I am not, change whatever crap food they are giving me to brownies and double the intake. Also, add one extra serving around 9pm and a half dose at 3am. With no exercise I should get fat in no time. But if it doesn't work - I guess pull the plug. Just make sure that before you do you verbally give me your full name and where you live - just in case I am reincarnated as some rabid creature.

UMD 2000 - my longest blog ever - I think

I randomly checked out one of my CD's of homework from back in the day. I wish I would of saved it all (I only have one semester's worth). Rereading my old papers is about as much entertainment as someone with my brain capacity can handle. This is one from my interpersonal communication class. I was discussing the communication skills of Bush and Gore in the post-election fiasco that was going on (if you don't remember this I won't refresh your memory). Reading my crap makes me wonder how I ever graduated. So...

"Either way, they both seem to be making fools of themselves. I think it would be in the best interest of at least one of the candidates to just sit back and wait till its over. To me these are just unintended hits below the belt, only they are hitting themselves."

Here is another one from the same class. Some communication self evaluation or something stupid like that-

"I think that the most important thing I learned about myself in this class dealt with emotional expression. While I already knew that I am pretty mellow and passive at all times, I did come to the realization that maybe those reactions aren't always appropriate. While those responses represent me, sometimes it may be better for the relationships I have or am trying to build if I pretend to care more. While the people who know me well know that my apparent disinterest does not represent my actual feelings, people who are not as familiar with my reactions may assume that I don’t care about anything or I am just a negative person. So maybe in the future when somebody I don’t know tells me something that should, and does, make me happy I will put on the stereotypical happy face and move my arms around and stuff like that to help build a positive relationship with that person."

"and move my arms around and stuff like that." Really, I wish I knew how I got away with that kind of crap. I got an A in that class.

I also have a ridiculous paper that I wrote on squirrels. I think I pretty much plagarized the whole thing from encarta encyclopedia or something and then threw in a bunch of bogus citations - pretending like I got them from some academic sources or something. Again, I have no idea. Why on earth would a kid ever be writing a paper about squirrels in college. HAHA, yes I am aware that the last sentence was pretty sophmorish. I can feel my brain slowly regressing to my sophmore state. NOOO!

My advice to anyone still in college is to save their papers. They will be hilarious later - at least mine are. One thing I wish I would have done was make a note about the assignment. Reading this stuff I can't help but assume it was some BS assignment and the teacher didn't care. But who knows.

Osaka!!!

I am not in Osaka, but I wish I was. It's been several days since the dentist finished ripping up my gums. Because of my butchered mouth I had spent as much time as possible with my mouth closed and I didn't drink much water. After it healed awhile, I examined my mouth in the mirror - with a flashlight. This is the first time I ever did this - and probably the last. It was amazing though. The first thing I thought of was Hawaii's coral reef. Everone thinks it's so special. While I don't know anything about this stuff, to me it looks a lot like a big rock with a bunch of junk growing on it. What does this have to do with the inside of my mouth? Exactly! My tongue basically reminds me of snorkeling on the West shore. It's like a big rock with a bunch of crap growing on it. Colorful, exotic and covered in organisms that a liberal arts student will never truly appreciate.

I have two more days of "work" left here. I have to pick up my visa soon and then I am ready to jet. Or No va in my case. Boy am I clever. Ah, again, my humor is lost on the ignorant. I would update everyone with some type of relavant Mark news but as you all know, my life is pretty boring. Seriously though, when in Japan I will try and dress it up to make it sound like I am doing something cool. Maybe I will even let my friends and family know that I am doing this.

CNN, previous blogs

After rereading some of my previous entries I noticed several grammatical and spelling errors. Rather than correct them I will simply explain myself. I do not proofread my blogs before publishing them. It is not because I am lazy or because I am stupid. It is because I want readers of my blog to experience journalism at its finest. I feel that "editing" my reports will subtract from their authenticity. Sure, the reporter covering the hurricane surrounding him may feel that his hair is messed up or that the intense winds may be making his voice sound muffled - but he does his job like he is supposed to. Sometimes in the heat of the moment I may forget a period, use there when I mean their, or spell my name Makr. But I want the reader to see my reports in their raw form. The audience should be able to understand what exactly I am witnessing or thinking based on my reports. I could edit it all to make it seem more presentable, but that's just not what good commentary is all about.

So sticking with my CNN commentary (two in a row now!), I have to say something about this whole Michael Jackson thing. First, Mr. Jackson has been in the news for the whole child molestation thing as long as I can remember. It's always on every "news" channel, society can not get away from it. Everyone and their pet knows that Michael has been accused of doing all sorts of things. With that said, how come the only news that the stations cover about the parents is how they may be making up these accusations for financial reasons. After my "news blog" catapults me into mainstream reporting I have a few questions for these parents. The question is not "are you doing this to make money?" It is, why are you allowing your kids to have sleepovers at Jackson's house? Does Jackson just call up and say "hey can Johhny come over and spend the night?" And you knowing that he is an adult say "sure, why not?" I can't wait until CNN hires me so I can be the first to ask the parents this question. I will also use my new position to help CNN with their website. They really need to stop putting big pictures of his face on their main page. Not to sound mean or anything, but lets be honest, it's scary. OK, I know that does sound mean and I almost feel kind of bad now. So Michael, if you're reading this, I apologize. And when CNN talks to you next time can you recommend me as a journalist? I promise I won't put you on the spot.

Chess - the truth comes out

"Washington has sought Fischer, who became world chess champion in his 1972 match in Iceland against Boris Spassky of the Soviet Union, on charges of violating international sanctions against the former Yugoslavia by playing chess there in 1992." - CNN

This may sound odd to some. I mean wanting to arrest someone for playing chess?! Many people think of chess as one of the great thinking games, full of strategy and wit. To those people, this story must sound absurd. They probably assume that it must be because their was gambling involved or maybe Fischer wanted to throw the match or something. But to those of us who know the truth about chess, we can completely understand these charges and we are assured that they are warranted. The game of chess, performed at its highest level, is not a thinking game at all. In fact, it is more like child pornography coupled with intensive drug smuggling. One can only speculate why Mr. Fischer was playing chess in Yugoslavia anyway. The similarities between chess, the drug trade, and child pornography are too numerous to go into here. But anyone who gives it a little thought will figure it out. Only by educating ourselves will we be able to understand why the U.S. can make an international chess superstar into a villain. But with this story resurfacing in the news, it is time for our culture to make a decision. It needs to come to an educated conclusion of what the effects of chess can be. Not only on the individual, but on their families and their communities. The U.S. has taken steps (maybe not the right ones) to curb drugs and child pornography. But what about chess? Are citizens of the U.S. just going to stand around and watch as chess runs rampant through elementary and high schools? Have you ever visited a rehab clinic for chess players? Have you ever thought about volunteering at one? Don't feel bad - they don't exist. Chess players are left to fend for themselves in an environment that just does not understand. So next time you see a chess player, or even a recovering chess player, let them know that you care. Maybe you haven't been through what they have, but you at least understand. Call your politicians. Boycott stores that sell chess paraphernalia. Set up a time and place where people of your community can burn their chessboards and pieces in a public display of resistance. And do not send your children to schools that have "chess clubs." Strength needs numbers. To end this problem, individuals must take initiative. Chess is not a victimless crime. Were people playing chess 1000 years ago? I don't know. But I do know that a lot more of them are playing now. The chess epidemic must stop. But it will not stop on its own. Our government can come down hard on chess players. But until the problem of chess itself is stopped, it will not go away. Taxpayers can not afford to pay for every chess player to be put in jail - and I do not believe execution fits this crime. Only by educating those on the dangers of chess can this disease be stopped.

Tennis anyone?

Today I played tennis with a fourth grader. He wasn't too great - but hey - neither am I. It was actually his first time playing tennis ever. He had a little trouble getting the racket to make contact with the ball - but after awhile he got it. I asked him if he had any brothers or sisters and he said "no, I don't have any, I don't have any friends at all. That's why I come here." And then he cracked up laughing. The odd thing is I think he was serious. I am not sure if that's funny or sad. Now that I think of it, I was only playing tennis against a fourth grader because I don't have any friends. Is that funny or sad? Sad.

And my now second favorite tennis quote. "Yes...piano." - Ederick answering the question "do you play any other sports?"

I need to get my taxes done.

Title

Well, it has been a few weeks since I last updated my "blog." This is because I have been so busy doing nothing that I haven't even had time to do it. Even now my brain is telling me that I should be doing nothing - and doing it hardcore. Yet here I sit - blogging. The only interesting thing that has happened to me lately is I obtained six small punctures on the inside of my lips. For a few days they were just fine, they have since turned into cold sores that are not the most comfortable things. They were from my buddy Brian (I think that's his name). He was trying to choke me but instead of getting under my chin, he got his forearm in my mouth. So the punctures are all from my lips applying a little too much pressure on my teeth. I also have gi burn on the outside of my upperlip. I didn't notice this until I finally shaved - it doesn't hurt. So after four months of jiu jitsu, the closest thing I have had to an injury is six cold sores. And even they aren't that bad. In other news, I am now on my new used laptop that I bought off Ebay. So far it works. I suck at this fingerpad thing though. I am anxious to go to Japan. So far I can say about two word in Japanese. Hopefully after a year my count will be up to about ten.

Riding Hawaiian style on my new hog

So I decided to take my new motorcycle to jiu jitsu. Next to the spot I was going is a strip club. Since I didn't really feel like getting beat up, I decided to go there instead of jiu jitsu. Why I thought I could just drive right into the club on my bike I have no idea, but it worked. To my suprise, inside the club there were a bunch of guys - all riding motorcycles. I guess around noon the clubs aren't as busy. They asked me if I wanted to race - and I agreed. They kept giving my bike all these compliments (apparently it's pretty cool) and they kept asking me all these questions about it. But since I don't know anything about bikes I didn't know what to say. So we all lined up at the starting line. It was sort of a ball room type place and the races were going on inside. I started off in first and thought I would win. But my bike got passed by 3 others and I finished 4th out of about 20. Racing with a motorcycle gang inside of a strip club isn't really my idea of fun so I decided I had had enough and left. Traffic was slow and that was a good thing. I hadn't yet learned how to take my bike out of first gear and that probably explains why I took 4th instead of 1st. I was trying to figure it out by pulling every lever I could find. There was nothing as far as pedals so I assumed that it would be somewhere on the handlebars. I managed to somehow shut off all the stuff on the "dashboard" so I couldn't tell how fast I was even going. One of the other bikers caught up to me and let me know that I was driving on the wrong side of the lane. He said that some bikers bike on that side, but it's only because they are used to driving side by side with someone. Then he told me that if "that bear in the car overthere were on a motorcycle next to you, then you would bike on that side." At the time it didn't even strike me as odd that there was a grizzly bear sitting in the passenger seat of the car next to me (or that it was wearing a hat), but his illustration made a lot of sense.

Then I woke up.

Related to this story, two days ago, my mother told me that when I was a kid I wasn't allowed to eat pumpkin pie. Apparently it made me "crazy" and I wouldn't settle down for hours. Yes, I ate pumpkin pie before I went to bed.