Saturday, November 05, 2005

Fashion Police, JR officer

Every season has its own fashion. And every season we have loads of magazines that tell us what we should wear to be in style (usually aimed at girls). Usually we get some top ten lists, some dos and donts. But let's be honest, that stuff never applies to any of us. Most of us don't care if a Gucci bag clashes with Prada jeans. Can you wear a coat made out of polar bear fur to an office party? Or should you go with the albino fox fur. Who cares. Why people (ok girls) buy these magazines I don't know. Whoever puts out these surveys neglects Joe Schmo. I see so many crazy things in Japan and some just weird me out.

Ok, first, yes Japan is a completely different country. Thus some rule breaking is ok. For example, a guy can dye his hair golden brown, style it like Bon Jovi. He can then find the tightest pants around and complete the outfit with some pointed boots. He is now ready to pick up chicks. These chicks are most likely sporting eyelashes about a half inch long. They are wearing lots of layers. Possibly really short cut-off jeans over black sweatpants. To go along with that, they are wearing thick cotton socks, the horizontal stripes are pink and black. High heels go good with this outfit. These two outfits are perfectly acceptable. However, they are not universally acceptable.


Keep in mind that you are getting your fashion "do's" from a guy who has no sense of fashion whatsoever. Most of the clothes I wear would be refused by secondhand stores. But I do not, at least I don't think, break any of the rules on "the universal don't wear clothing list for men...created by Mark and his blog friends."

So, how do you know if it's a universal rule? Well, basically anytime a guy like me is offended by your clothing it is universally unacceptable - thus a rule. So, so far there are only two rules that I know of. I imagine there really are around ten, I just haven't been exposed to the offense. So....

1. Under no circumstances should you ever tuck your tshirt into your sweatpants. I am not sure why this offends me, it just does. The level of offense is increased the further up your pants are. So for every inch your pants are raised past the normal level you will spend an extra year in fashion jail. If your shirt is tucked in and your sweatpants are raised past your belly button you will serve a life term.

2. White cotton socks with a nice black suit. Of course you are only breaking the rule if one can actually see your socks - otherwise it's ok. Also, if the suit is not "nice," then you are off the hook and can even pull your socks up over your pants.

Feel free to add any fashion comments in the comments section. My monthly fashion magazine will be coming out soon. It will just be a lot of pictures of people dressed in funny clothes. I will be on the cover.

2 comments:

Laura Ibsen said...

You see, I have to be careful here. There is one fashion offense that I detest, but have many friends that I love who do it. My love for them is unconditional, and not dependent on their fashion sense.

The offense is simply this: people who tuck their jeans into the toungue of their tennis shoes. The bottom of the each leg MUST GO OVER THE SHOE, NOT INTO IT!!

Anonymous said...

Laura, you are so right! The problem I have is that my jeans move around and end up kind of "tucked" underneath my shoe tongues. It really bothers me and I try to fix it. It is not intentional, though (unlike tucking in shirts), so perhaps this one needs a little more grace.