The Twister

None of you will enjoy this. But I do. It's what I spend all my time trying to do. When I get it, it makes me happy. I'm a looser. Jiu Jitsu - The Twister. All except the last move.

Japanese values

My 5th post in 4 days. That has to be a record. I just found this funny. The thing about shirts here is they all say something in English, and as I've talked about before...they rarely make sense. I believe most people can read them, they just don't understand what they say. I've had students wearing weird stuff and I ask them about it and sometimes they say they know it doesn't make sense but they just don't care. Well my phone camera makes it a little blurry but if you can read the sign on the left side you might find it funny. Or I am lame.

Greenpeace

I like the environment. I like being outside. Trees, wild animals, some bugs, the sun, clouds and moutains. All that stuff is great.

People in Japan like whales. I haven't tried them but I guess they're quite tasty. The problem is, lots of other people like whales better in the ocean. I am not sure if this is news anywhere else in the world...it's not even really news here. But somewhere out at sea there is a Japanese whaling boat cruising around with Greenpeace boats following it, trying to disrupt its whale killing mission. I have no problems with whales, whalers or people who want to protect them. The thing is, when you combine all three, you just get a big mess. A big mess of conflicting ideals usually results in one of two things, a lot of dead people or a funny story. In this case it's the latter...with a bunch of dead whales.

Well I don't really know that much about the whole thing. I read the pro and con articles for both sides and they were as expected:

Whales are special, they have feelings, they're smart. There aren't many left so we should save them so they can reproduce and be plentifull.

Whales taste good and we are hungry. Too bad your western parents and grandparents killed off all the whales in the first place...along with all the wolves, sharks, bison etc etc etc. Please pass the salt.

Well, I have no problem with the anti-whaling ideology, but I have to say the way they are going about it is ridiculous. They are following the ship, trying to scare away the whales and then positioning their rafts inbetween the whales and the harpoons. Well, the whole point of this blog is that the pictures are funny...in a strange sort of way. Both are from the GP website, official I think. One is the sign on the J boat which hilarious. The other is the J boat spraying the GP rafts as they follow it, also hilarious.

Beginning of Mark's 2 month weight loss program

I planned on going on a diet starting in Dec. It lasted one day...just enough time to blog about it. Then I got sick and went to Hawaii where I ate all the free food I could. So I'm starting over. 81.8kgs. I have just over two months left here, we'll see how it goes.

I can't believe I just typed up this blog about nothing

I used to have these sweatpants that I got my freshman year. I had them for about 5 years and I wore them all the time. The other day I was like "where are my sweatpants?" I somehow managed to not bring them to Japan. Not only that but I don't remember putting them in a safe place. I only left one little tupperware box thingy back at home...full of photos and crap like that that I don't need to carry with me. Did I put them in there? How odd. I think I started wearing sweatpants all the time around 6th grade. That's about when I got rid of my blankie. In my 6th grade class pictures I am wearing sweatpants...I look ridiculous, everyone else is all dressed up. Well, the point of this story is just to let everyone know that I miss my sweatpants. It's cold here (well like 30F) and my heat doesn't really do much other than ring up a big bill. The other night I was freezing and as I left for work in the morning I realized that my door was an inch open. Good one Mark.

Mark news: I am not renewing my contract. So I will finish at the end of March. My parents are coming to see Japan and I will get back to MN mid-April sometime. From there the plan is to visit peeps for a couple weeks then I am off (hopefully) to the wonderful land of Guatemala. Since I have been trying really hard to save money I will basically be the richest unemployed person there...which probably means I will just get robbed.

Back to my original pointless post: does anyone else think girls are more attractive when they are wearing sweatpants? It seems so superficial to judge one on their clothes, but all the expensive jeans in the world will never equal cheap sweatpants. But if they're pink, say anything on the butt or they are too tight, well that is just stupid. Return those. Oh yeah, and another thing I mentioned in my fashion blog...no tucking in your shirt, unless you want to be shunned by all the cool kids.

Also I schooled that little 14 year old again tonight. I can rest easy, there is no way that he will get good enough to beat me in the next two months.

Top 25 MMA comebacks

This might sound strange to most people, but I really like watching people fight. Not drunken street brawls or any other chemical induced rage type of fighting, but 2 people who know what they are doing going at it is just fun for me to watch. I don't know why. I say it's because I'm a guy but I realize most guys don't share this strange fascination. So here is my favorite highlight video.

Some of them are kind of boring and a little brutal. But starting at about the 20:20 mark it gets good. I watch it in the morning and it gets me ready for a long day of teaching. The top three spots are of course reserved for Jiu Jitsu guys...of course since it's a comeback vid it means they were getting the crap kicked out of them for the most part. JJ is keeping me sane in Japan. It's hard to explain but it's true.

I long to wait in line at the DMV

So I got my driver's license renewal app in the mail today. Let's just say it's not as simple as it should be. This is how it should be. You should address the envelope to the DMV, put in your picture, address, a crispy $20 and you're good to go

They've actually seemed to make me just want to either fly back to MN and renew the stupid thing in person, or just not renew it at all. Last time I renewed it I swear all I had to do was stand in line for an hour so they could take my picture, have me fill out some form and give them 20 bucks. The address on my license doesn't even exist and it has never been an issue at all.

So maybe the rules have changed, but if they haven't, then this is just one nasty way of trying to inconvenience people who live out of state. I have to go to a "Licensed Vision Examiner" and have him fill out this form. I went to the optometist about one week ago...great. Then I have to sign the form in front of a "notary public." But, if I'm out of the country, I just need to find a "judge, clerk or deputy clerk of court, U.S. foreign service or consular officer." That sounds convenient, I can't even find toilet paper how am I going to find a deputy clerk of court. And finally, a step that should be easy but it's just not...I have to send a check or money order. I don't have any checks and as easy as a money order sounds, it just sucks having to do stuff like that using hand motions and strange grunts

And to just complain a little more, what makes all this even worse is I have convinced myself that ND, SD, IA and WI all have online systems where you enter your license #, upload a face pic, enter your address, credit card info and hit enter. Then 4 days later you get a nice package containing your new ID and a written thank you note from a pretty girl.

Tired of getting sick? Sick of getting tired?

Well scientists can now help you with the first problem. According to scientists, getting really cold can result in a (drumroll) cold!!!!

I guess this is one of those things I've always assumed. Probably because my parents told me so...and their parents told them the same thing. I am glad that the high cost of healthcare is going to fund studies such as this. Although it's England so who knows. At least it didn't come from the UofMN. This story seems so odd to me that I am at a loss of words to mock it. I am curious as to what other theories they had as to why people are always sick in the winter. The fewer hours of daylight? Basketball season? Christmas shopping anxiety? Wool allergies?

I guess I always thought that being really cold kind of weakened the immune system. But what the heck do I know. When people are frozen in ice for thousands of years and then thawed out they never seem sick, just confused by our non-solar thawing methods and our strange clothes.

In Mark news, I have two days left of vacation and then two months left of work. Also in Japan it's cold and EVERYONE seems to be sick. In Hawaii it's 80 and no one seems to be sick. Of course the reasons for this are most likely poison gas residue in the trains as well as poor immune systems due to strange fashion and driving on the left side of the road. Hawaiians are of course very healthy due to their salt water humidifiers and big mac IV's.

Back to Mark news. I have determined that I have an attention span of 22 minutes and 30 seconds....give or take about 30 seconds depending on if I'm sitting in a chair or on the floor. The study was also performed at room temp while I was sick but I'm not sure if that affects anything.

The North Shore

I'll admit it, I've seen Baywatch a few times. Thankfully as a kid I didn't have whatever channel it was on. But I managed to watch it a few times at a friend's house. I can't say I enjoyed it, but seeing the typical day of a lifeguard gave me a much deserved sense of security everytime I went to the beach. In my little town there didn't seem to be as much drama on the beach, probably because on a hot day there were 20 people there. Some of the lifeguards were my friends and I wouldn't trust them with preparing me a sandwich...let alone my life.

On the local Oahu news tonight they were talking about the surf and it actually reminded me of Baywatch. They said the waves were 6-10 feet and the lifeguards on the North Shore pulled out 18 different people. Crazy!! Tomorrow there will be a "high surf advisory" with 15-20 foot waves!! In two days my pops and I will head up there and watch.

Today we went for a hike on the east side, I'm not sure of the name, I'll post pics later. We saw a few whales. I'll be honest, I was thinking about harpooning.

Integrity

Today I had this kind of funny memory from my flight over here. My story telling abilities are pretty poor and my sense of humor is strange, so maybe I'll bore you all.

Well it starts in KIX airport. I decided to do something I'd never done before - buy some food and water from the airport. Well, on the plane the air-flight-people (I have no idea what's PC anymore) passed out the customs things and they said something similar to:

1. Will you bring any goods through customs that you purchased in the country of departure?
Me: Yes
2. What was the cost of these goods?
Me: $1

Then going through customs the guy asks me about my $1 purchase. So I tell him that I had a candy bar at the time, but I ate it a few hours after I filled out the survey. Very sincerely he says "wow, you're really honest." And that was it, I just thought it was funny. I should have said something like "yes, you're right, I am a real honest guy..smart and good looking too."

The End

Today I went surfing, read about 4 pages of Harry Potter en espanol and cleaned. It's about 80 here everyday so I went jogging yesterday. First time in like 3 months and I can feel it. till next time my dedicated readers...aka future me.

mark

Reverse pop culture shock

When I went to Japan my mother gave me a book on culture shock. I skimmed through about the first half of it. I thought it was kind of funny. It wasn't really relevant to me as I didn't have culture shock. My previous travels brought me to Germany for a month, West Africa for 2 months and Mexico for 3 months. So Japan's nothing. In fact, throughout all of my travels I have only had culture shock twice. Minor CS when I was in Africa, and significant CS upon returning to the US. Currently in Hawaii after 10 months of Japan I wouldn't say I have reverse culture shock, but rather a different form of culture shock. Returning just after the New Year, I am unfortunate enough to catch all of VH1's Best of Worst of 2005 shows. What I have realized is that I am completely out of touch with US pop culture. Not only do I not know what these featured "stars" did that was so horrible or amazing, but I don't know who they are OR the movies, TV shows or bands that they are in. I'm not sure how I feel about my pop culture knowledge. I find it kind of satisfying that I can say I have no clue what these celebrities are up to. On the otherhand, I feel kind of left out. I think I prefer how it is now. Since I don' t care about their movies or what they're up to.

my dad

Everyone says "you're just like your father." Well...people that know both of us. In some ways I am, but in some ways I am not. My dad is an engineer. I don't know anything about that stuff. I'm not even sure if I spelled it right. And he really likes all things that 50 something year old engineer farm kids would like. I don't really like anything to do with engineering - at least as far as the thought that goes into it. Same for farming, I grew up working summer jobs at farms and I dislike pretty much everything to do with farming except for the end result - food. He also remains constantly busy - something I envy. My dad, along with my mom, moved to Hawaii a few years ago, thus he gave up his business of welding, repairing, drilling and all the other ings that go into working at your own machine shop. His constant desire to be doing things, along with his interests and the options in Hawaii have made for some interesting time killing activities.

Leaving his children on the mainland, he would of course have to find something to replace this void. That was the easy part - biking, hiking and surfing. But how would he fill the farmboy engineer void? Well, first he got a volunteer position as a welder on the USS Missouri. Perfect for a guy like my dad. What would seem like a difficult and dirty job for some is of course perfect for my dad. He gets to weld AND be on a huge battleship with big guns - a historic one at that. In my last trip to Hawaii I got the tour. The free and unlimited tour that battleship enthusiasts would only dream about. I, of course, had no appreciation really at all for it, but it was kinda fun to see my dad so excited about the different welds that kept this thing from falling apart as it's huge something something diameter guns blasted away during WWII. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate big guns just as any Midwestern country boy does, but the thickness of the hull is something I will never really get too excited about. I can only imagine that half the time he is working he is actually day dreaming about taking the ship out to sea and blowing some stuff up...that's what I would be thinking - and that is exactly what I was thinking during the tour.

There are also pictures on the computer of people laying railroad tracks. This is another thing he volunteered for. I am not sure how many people volunteered, but I can't imagine the "come volunteer with us, we'll be laying railroad tracks" flyer got too many volunteers. But this is the kind of thing my dad probably really enjoyed - at least enough to take pictures of. As a kid, I remember him taking our family on a tour of a railroad car. While I am sure he thought it was really cool, I don't remember it being anything special and I doubt my mom or sis did either. There are also pictures of my dad at his Christmas time volunteer job. A mall train driver. While most people would probably assume he did it to help entertain kids, I can only assume that my dad had more fun cruising around on a train than the kids did. If he had the chance to drive a real train on the tracks that he spent so much time putting down, I doubt he would have been shuttling brats around the mall while their parents went Christmas shopping.

Well, as far as I know, no one that actually knows my father reads this blog and my family is unaware that I even have one. But if someday they stumble upon it, I just want my dad to know that I admire his ambition and his ability to put in so many hours into the things he is passionate about, even if I think they are strange things. I say this in hopes that in the future I will also be able to take part in the things that I enjoy...I don't do that now.

And on a different note, after doing spell check (no mispellings - at least according to Mr. Spell Check), I think it's about time that they incorporate the word "blog" into their dictionary. How ironic!!!!!

"tp for my bunghole" is a famous quote by.....

Well I still have a cold. I went through 2 rolls of TP in the last two days. I use three squares each time I blow my nose. If I knew how many squares were in each roll I would do the math and come up with a really cool statistic. Oh well. Anyway, I ran out of tp this morning so I had to go buy some. I ended up getting the scented kind and regret it very much. Unfortunately I didn't have much of a choice due to my communication ability. I can't even read. Anyway, why you would ever want the scented kind is beyond me. It smells worse than crap. Of course I had to find out the hard way...by blowing my nose with it (the tp, not crap). I now have this apparently permanent artificial flowery aroma glued to the most inconvenient of spots - my nose area. Lame. Anyway...let's imagine you are in this scenario:

You have a bad cold and need toilet paper to prevent snot from getting all over your face. You don't have any at home. You are in the store. It closes in 3 minutes. You can't find any and you don't speak the local language. What do you do?

Although finding a different store is not the most creative option, it's what I did. I guess when it all comes down to it, I have too much pride to convey my tp need via theatre. Lame.

In Mark news, I've been going to a lot of temples the last few days. Apparently it's the temple season or something. I find them kind of boring but it's fun to see other people having fun. That's how my sad self finds enjoyment I guess. Lame