CNN and Mel Gibson

I don't care enough to read the entertainment news, but because my eyes can't help but avoid processing the small bits of text that we refer to as "headlines," I am forced to know what's going on in US pop culture.

"Crisis experts: Gibson facing uphill climb"

I now know what is wrong with America. It's not that we are obsessed with celebrities and scandals. It has nothing really to do with Mel Gibson. It is that our crisis experts are covering the Mel Gibson story.

Well I was just going to write a list of better uses for our crisis experts, but after a little thought, I don't think there are any. Also, I hereby declare myself a crisis expert. This is not to be confused with someone who will directly offer assistance in an emergency, however, I will explain to those that are interested exactly what you were thinking when this happened and what you could have done to avoid it. I will also give, in detail, the steps that you need to end this crisis and avoid it in the future.