Model minority

A 2005 Princeton study showed Asians (not whites) bear nearly 80% of the cost of affirmative action in college admissions. Nearly four out of every five spots given to blacks and Hispanics in an affirmative-action regime would go to Asians in a purely merit-based system.

The Minnesota Vikings

I think if they could somehow convince the NFL to count field goals as 4 points they would have a much better chance of winning. I guess 5 points would be even better.

Also, I really enjoy pizza rolls. I bought them at the discount store. They look/taste really unhealthy. They're awesome.