two birds

Long after I'd arrived home from Ghana I began to regret not sending my bulk emails to myself. I updated everyone on what was going on but never kept a copy. I plan on doing this in Guatemala. I think I will just be adding them to my blog. Two birds with one stone you know. Or something like that. Here is an email I just sent to my aunt's. It basically sums up my entire 10 months here. Note to self: you were in a bad mood when you wrote it...and you still are. I had a long NOTE TO FUTURE SELF blog planned. That will be later............



How come I never hear from any of you? Where are the "aunt updates?" I get the Nate email updates like once every six months...and when I graduated Nate didn't even know how to work a computer. I think he wrote all his papers with a pencil he whittled. Anyway, you have probably been wondering where all the "mark updates" have been over the last year (ok maybe not). Well, there has been nothing to update on. But I am sending one along anyway.

I teach English to Japanese people, since I have a very small frame of reference I can't be sure if it's this job or work in general....but I am currently wondering how people work for their entire lives, work sucks. As I sit in the staff room cutting and pasting "resources" that will hit the trash before they ever get used for anything - I stare at the folder containing the "resignation slips" and ignore its taunts and insults. But lately it has been teasing me a lot. The only reason I haven't quit is because I have loads of cash in the bank and nothing to spend it on.... no wait, it's because my parents want to come visit at the end of my contract...in about 2 months.

I just emailed my dad and asked him if he would prefer to backpack around India for a month as opposed to two weeks in J land. We'll see what he says. I am anticipating either my mom deletes it or he replies with "I would love to but...I must work for 4 hours a week." I also invited my mom...I know she could only come for 2 weeks though. Oh well. Next time you hear grandma talking about how adventurous her son is, just remind her that he shot down a month long chance to bond with his eldest. Wanna come? we never hang out anymore

Well, outside of teaching for 35 or so hours a week, commuting for the 50 min each way and trying to meet girls on the internet I spend most of my free time at martial arts. Four days a week. It is my only real hobby here...maybe ever.

Well, a few weeks ago Nate emailed me one of those "so mark, I heard you.." emails. It was a little off, so... I plan on heading back to MN around mid april to visit MPLS, Duluth and (drumroll) LP. I have to renew my drivers license. And then I will be boarding a plane to Guatemala. I plan on staying there (or in that region) until I speak spanish. And that's about all.

Hope all is well. In case you ever have those childish "I'm his favorite aunt" competitions...well I can't confirm anything...except that my address book only has 3 aunts in it from the Terwey side. hahaha. Tell Ann I say hello. I hope everything is going ok in the West. I'll see you around someday.
your fav nephew
Mark

Bored?

Jordan, you might find this site interesting, you just strike me as the type...I don't know why. You other bored folk might also. It's some dude's list of common English mistakes. I only clicked on a few. I guess I am alright...or all right. Most of the words/phrases he lists are not ones that I use but I guess it's interesting to read them anyway. Well for about five min, depending on your boredom level.

The Twister

None of you will enjoy this. But I do. It's what I spend all my time trying to do. When I get it, it makes me happy. I'm a looser. Jiu Jitsu - The Twister. All except the last move.

Japanese values

My 5th post in 4 days. That has to be a record. I just found this funny. The thing about shirts here is they all say something in English, and as I've talked about before...they rarely make sense. I believe most people can read them, they just don't understand what they say. I've had students wearing weird stuff and I ask them about it and sometimes they say they know it doesn't make sense but they just don't care. Well my phone camera makes it a little blurry but if you can read the sign on the left side you might find it funny. Or I am lame.

Greenpeace

I like the environment. I like being outside. Trees, wild animals, some bugs, the sun, clouds and moutains. All that stuff is great.

People in Japan like whales. I haven't tried them but I guess they're quite tasty. The problem is, lots of other people like whales better in the ocean. I am not sure if this is news anywhere else in the world...it's not even really news here. But somewhere out at sea there is a Japanese whaling boat cruising around with Greenpeace boats following it, trying to disrupt its whale killing mission. I have no problems with whales, whalers or people who want to protect them. The thing is, when you combine all three, you just get a big mess. A big mess of conflicting ideals usually results in one of two things, a lot of dead people or a funny story. In this case it's the latter...with a bunch of dead whales.

Well I don't really know that much about the whole thing. I read the pro and con articles for both sides and they were as expected:

Whales are special, they have feelings, they're smart. There aren't many left so we should save them so they can reproduce and be plentifull.

Whales taste good and we are hungry. Too bad your western parents and grandparents killed off all the whales in the first place...along with all the wolves, sharks, bison etc etc etc. Please pass the salt.

Well, I have no problem with the anti-whaling ideology, but I have to say the way they are going about it is ridiculous. They are following the ship, trying to scare away the whales and then positioning their rafts inbetween the whales and the harpoons. Well, the whole point of this blog is that the pictures are funny...in a strange sort of way. Both are from the GP website, official I think. One is the sign on the J boat which hilarious. The other is the J boat spraying the GP rafts as they follow it, also hilarious.

Beginning of Mark's 2 month weight loss program

I planned on going on a diet starting in Dec. It lasted one day...just enough time to blog about it. Then I got sick and went to Hawaii where I ate all the free food I could. So I'm starting over. 81.8kgs. I have just over two months left here, we'll see how it goes.

I can't believe I just typed up this blog about nothing

I used to have these sweatpants that I got my freshman year. I had them for about 5 years and I wore them all the time. The other day I was like "where are my sweatpants?" I somehow managed to not bring them to Japan. Not only that but I don't remember putting them in a safe place. I only left one little tupperware box thingy back at home...full of photos and crap like that that I don't need to carry with me. Did I put them in there? How odd. I think I started wearing sweatpants all the time around 6th grade. That's about when I got rid of my blankie. In my 6th grade class pictures I am wearing sweatpants...I look ridiculous, everyone else is all dressed up. Well, the point of this story is just to let everyone know that I miss my sweatpants. It's cold here (well like 30F) and my heat doesn't really do much other than ring up a big bill. The other night I was freezing and as I left for work in the morning I realized that my door was an inch open. Good one Mark.

Mark news: I am not renewing my contract. So I will finish at the end of March. My parents are coming to see Japan and I will get back to MN mid-April sometime. From there the plan is to visit peeps for a couple weeks then I am off (hopefully) to the wonderful land of Guatemala. Since I have been trying really hard to save money I will basically be the richest unemployed person there...which probably means I will just get robbed.

Back to my original pointless post: does anyone else think girls are more attractive when they are wearing sweatpants? It seems so superficial to judge one on their clothes, but all the expensive jeans in the world will never equal cheap sweatpants. But if they're pink, say anything on the butt or they are too tight, well that is just stupid. Return those. Oh yeah, and another thing I mentioned in my fashion blog...no tucking in your shirt, unless you want to be shunned by all the cool kids.

Also I schooled that little 14 year old again tonight. I can rest easy, there is no way that he will get good enough to beat me in the next two months.

Top 25 MMA comebacks

This might sound strange to most people, but I really like watching people fight. Not drunken street brawls or any other chemical induced rage type of fighting, but 2 people who know what they are doing going at it is just fun for me to watch. I don't know why. I say it's because I'm a guy but I realize most guys don't share this strange fascination. So here is my favorite highlight video.

Some of them are kind of boring and a little brutal. But starting at about the 20:20 mark it gets good. I watch it in the morning and it gets me ready for a long day of teaching. The top three spots are of course reserved for Jiu Jitsu guys...of course since it's a comeback vid it means they were getting the crap kicked out of them for the most part. JJ is keeping me sane in Japan. It's hard to explain but it's true.

I long to wait in line at the DMV

So I got my driver's license renewal app in the mail today. Let's just say it's not as simple as it should be. This is how it should be. You should address the envelope to the DMV, put in your picture, address, a crispy $20 and you're good to go

They've actually seemed to make me just want to either fly back to MN and renew the stupid thing in person, or just not renew it at all. Last time I renewed it I swear all I had to do was stand in line for an hour so they could take my picture, have me fill out some form and give them 20 bucks. The address on my license doesn't even exist and it has never been an issue at all.

So maybe the rules have changed, but if they haven't, then this is just one nasty way of trying to inconvenience people who live out of state. I have to go to a "Licensed Vision Examiner" and have him fill out this form. I went to the optometist about one week ago...great. Then I have to sign the form in front of a "notary public." But, if I'm out of the country, I just need to find a "judge, clerk or deputy clerk of court, U.S. foreign service or consular officer." That sounds convenient, I can't even find toilet paper how am I going to find a deputy clerk of court. And finally, a step that should be easy but it's just not...I have to send a check or money order. I don't have any checks and as easy as a money order sounds, it just sucks having to do stuff like that using hand motions and strange grunts

And to just complain a little more, what makes all this even worse is I have convinced myself that ND, SD, IA and WI all have online systems where you enter your license #, upload a face pic, enter your address, credit card info and hit enter. Then 4 days later you get a nice package containing your new ID and a written thank you note from a pretty girl.

Tired of getting sick? Sick of getting tired?

Well scientists can now help you with the first problem. According to scientists, getting really cold can result in a (drumroll) cold!!!!

I guess this is one of those things I've always assumed. Probably because my parents told me so...and their parents told them the same thing. I am glad that the high cost of healthcare is going to fund studies such as this. Although it's England so who knows. At least it didn't come from the UofMN. This story seems so odd to me that I am at a loss of words to mock it. I am curious as to what other theories they had as to why people are always sick in the winter. The fewer hours of daylight? Basketball season? Christmas shopping anxiety? Wool allergies?

I guess I always thought that being really cold kind of weakened the immune system. But what the heck do I know. When people are frozen in ice for thousands of years and then thawed out they never seem sick, just confused by our non-solar thawing methods and our strange clothes.

In Mark news, I have two days left of vacation and then two months left of work. Also in Japan it's cold and EVERYONE seems to be sick. In Hawaii it's 80 and no one seems to be sick. Of course the reasons for this are most likely poison gas residue in the trains as well as poor immune systems due to strange fashion and driving on the left side of the road. Hawaiians are of course very healthy due to their salt water humidifiers and big mac IV's.

Back to Mark news. I have determined that I have an attention span of 22 minutes and 30 seconds....give or take about 30 seconds depending on if I'm sitting in a chair or on the floor. The study was also performed at room temp while I was sick but I'm not sure if that affects anything.

The North Shore

I'll admit it, I've seen Baywatch a few times. Thankfully as a kid I didn't have whatever channel it was on. But I managed to watch it a few times at a friend's house. I can't say I enjoyed it, but seeing the typical day of a lifeguard gave me a much deserved sense of security everytime I went to the beach. In my little town there didn't seem to be as much drama on the beach, probably because on a hot day there were 20 people there. Some of the lifeguards were my friends and I wouldn't trust them with preparing me a sandwich...let alone my life.

On the local Oahu news tonight they were talking about the surf and it actually reminded me of Baywatch. They said the waves were 6-10 feet and the lifeguards on the North Shore pulled out 18 different people. Crazy!! Tomorrow there will be a "high surf advisory" with 15-20 foot waves!! In two days my pops and I will head up there and watch.

Today we went for a hike on the east side, I'm not sure of the name, I'll post pics later. We saw a few whales. I'll be honest, I was thinking about harpooning.

Integrity

Today I had this kind of funny memory from my flight over here. My story telling abilities are pretty poor and my sense of humor is strange, so maybe I'll bore you all.

Well it starts in KIX airport. I decided to do something I'd never done before - buy some food and water from the airport. Well, on the plane the air-flight-people (I have no idea what's PC anymore) passed out the customs things and they said something similar to:

1. Will you bring any goods through customs that you purchased in the country of departure?
Me: Yes
2. What was the cost of these goods?
Me: $1

Then going through customs the guy asks me about my $1 purchase. So I tell him that I had a candy bar at the time, but I ate it a few hours after I filled out the survey. Very sincerely he says "wow, you're really honest." And that was it, I just thought it was funny. I should have said something like "yes, you're right, I am a real honest guy..smart and good looking too."

The End

Today I went surfing, read about 4 pages of Harry Potter en espanol and cleaned. It's about 80 here everyday so I went jogging yesterday. First time in like 3 months and I can feel it. till next time my dedicated readers...aka future me.

mark

Reverse pop culture shock

When I went to Japan my mother gave me a book on culture shock. I skimmed through about the first half of it. I thought it was kind of funny. It wasn't really relevant to me as I didn't have culture shock. My previous travels brought me to Germany for a month, West Africa for 2 months and Mexico for 3 months. So Japan's nothing. In fact, throughout all of my travels I have only had culture shock twice. Minor CS when I was in Africa, and significant CS upon returning to the US. Currently in Hawaii after 10 months of Japan I wouldn't say I have reverse culture shock, but rather a different form of culture shock. Returning just after the New Year, I am unfortunate enough to catch all of VH1's Best of Worst of 2005 shows. What I have realized is that I am completely out of touch with US pop culture. Not only do I not know what these featured "stars" did that was so horrible or amazing, but I don't know who they are OR the movies, TV shows or bands that they are in. I'm not sure how I feel about my pop culture knowledge. I find it kind of satisfying that I can say I have no clue what these celebrities are up to. On the otherhand, I feel kind of left out. I think I prefer how it is now. Since I don' t care about their movies or what they're up to.

my dad

Everyone says "you're just like your father." Well...people that know both of us. In some ways I am, but in some ways I am not. My dad is an engineer. I don't know anything about that stuff. I'm not even sure if I spelled it right. And he really likes all things that 50 something year old engineer farm kids would like. I don't really like anything to do with engineering - at least as far as the thought that goes into it. Same for farming, I grew up working summer jobs at farms and I dislike pretty much everything to do with farming except for the end result - food. He also remains constantly busy - something I envy. My dad, along with my mom, moved to Hawaii a few years ago, thus he gave up his business of welding, repairing, drilling and all the other ings that go into working at your own machine shop. His constant desire to be doing things, along with his interests and the options in Hawaii have made for some interesting time killing activities.

Leaving his children on the mainland, he would of course have to find something to replace this void. That was the easy part - biking, hiking and surfing. But how would he fill the farmboy engineer void? Well, first he got a volunteer position as a welder on the USS Missouri. Perfect for a guy like my dad. What would seem like a difficult and dirty job for some is of course perfect for my dad. He gets to weld AND be on a huge battleship with big guns - a historic one at that. In my last trip to Hawaii I got the tour. The free and unlimited tour that battleship enthusiasts would only dream about. I, of course, had no appreciation really at all for it, but it was kinda fun to see my dad so excited about the different welds that kept this thing from falling apart as it's huge something something diameter guns blasted away during WWII. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate big guns just as any Midwestern country boy does, but the thickness of the hull is something I will never really get too excited about. I can only imagine that half the time he is working he is actually day dreaming about taking the ship out to sea and blowing some stuff up...that's what I would be thinking - and that is exactly what I was thinking during the tour.

There are also pictures on the computer of people laying railroad tracks. This is another thing he volunteered for. I am not sure how many people volunteered, but I can't imagine the "come volunteer with us, we'll be laying railroad tracks" flyer got too many volunteers. But this is the kind of thing my dad probably really enjoyed - at least enough to take pictures of. As a kid, I remember him taking our family on a tour of a railroad car. While I am sure he thought it was really cool, I don't remember it being anything special and I doubt my mom or sis did either. There are also pictures of my dad at his Christmas time volunteer job. A mall train driver. While most people would probably assume he did it to help entertain kids, I can only assume that my dad had more fun cruising around on a train than the kids did. If he had the chance to drive a real train on the tracks that he spent so much time putting down, I doubt he would have been shuttling brats around the mall while their parents went Christmas shopping.

Well, as far as I know, no one that actually knows my father reads this blog and my family is unaware that I even have one. But if someday they stumble upon it, I just want my dad to know that I admire his ambition and his ability to put in so many hours into the things he is passionate about, even if I think they are strange things. I say this in hopes that in the future I will also be able to take part in the things that I enjoy...I don't do that now.

And on a different note, after doing spell check (no mispellings - at least according to Mr. Spell Check), I think it's about time that they incorporate the word "blog" into their dictionary. How ironic!!!!!

"tp for my bunghole" is a famous quote by.....

Well I still have a cold. I went through 2 rolls of TP in the last two days. I use three squares each time I blow my nose. If I knew how many squares were in each roll I would do the math and come up with a really cool statistic. Oh well. Anyway, I ran out of tp this morning so I had to go buy some. I ended up getting the scented kind and regret it very much. Unfortunately I didn't have much of a choice due to my communication ability. I can't even read. Anyway, why you would ever want the scented kind is beyond me. It smells worse than crap. Of course I had to find out the hard way...by blowing my nose with it (the tp, not crap). I now have this apparently permanent artificial flowery aroma glued to the most inconvenient of spots - my nose area. Lame. Anyway...let's imagine you are in this scenario:

You have a bad cold and need toilet paper to prevent snot from getting all over your face. You don't have any at home. You are in the store. It closes in 3 minutes. You can't find any and you don't speak the local language. What do you do?

Although finding a different store is not the most creative option, it's what I did. I guess when it all comes down to it, I have too much pride to convey my tp need via theatre. Lame.

In Mark news, I've been going to a lot of temples the last few days. Apparently it's the temple season or something. I find them kind of boring but it's fun to see other people having fun. That's how my sad self finds enjoyment I guess. Lame

it's ofishial

i'm allergic to tuna. why did it take me 24 years to figure this out? well, according to the internet, the stuff in tuna that everyone's allergic to is removed in the canning process. mark and tuna will never co-exist peacefully...unless of course it's canned first. my huge outbreak that i blogged about a few months back lasted about 3 weeks, so last night i was kinda worried. either my body developed a little resistance to tuna's effects or all the chocolate and water i drank in my despair last night killed it. i'm fine now. i was anticipating another 3 weeks of unsexiness. and yes...when i am depressed i drink water. i also drink water when i'm happy, just not as much.

I bought chicken nuggets from the store.

I just re-read my last few blogs, and there are some changes I would like to make. Not grammatical through. OK, the two PB jars were half empty a few days ago. Today they are half full. That is because I have 3 weeks of vacation starting about 1 hour ago. I will do fun things. I am not sure what, but I hope they are fuh fuh fuh funner than being an English teacher. Also, not only did the Thai noodles ruin my sweatshirt, but they also ruined my stomach resulting in my first sick day ever. I could have actually gone to work and been fine, but I was up until about 5am being sick so I just couldn't be bothered with anything. It was Christmas too, and what better way to celebrate Christmas than by not going to work! Yah for Mark's first ever sick day! I felt kinda bad when I called in, like I was cheating the system or something. Of course I lose money and I will probably regret it the next time I'm broke, or when my wife wants a diamond ring instead of a key ring...or the kids want health insurance...ahhhh. Well too bad for them, because I stayed home on Christmas.

My life's metaphor

Last night I spilled ramen juice on my sweatshirt. I thought maybe it would just dry up and be gone...but no. It appears that it is going to be a permanent oil stain. This new stain, along with a huge one that makes me look like I fell asleep in a puddle, have made me do some serious thinking about my sweatshirt's life. It's old, tattered, stained and frayed. We have been through a lot together. Two different universities, my drivers license and student ID, countless cold days....the list could go on and on. It's kinda like an adult blankie, except it has more uses. If you ever remember seeing me during any non-summer months, I was probably wearing it. When I began writing this blog about two minutes ago I was sad, but as I think back on the past 6 1/2 years of my life, I can't think of anything it's done for me. In fact, I feel kind of cold towards it (haha). I brought it around the world, I washed it like once a year, and I fed it ramen juice. What did it ever do for me? Did it make me popular, help me meet girls, or even keep me warm on the coldest of nights? NO! I think the reason I am sick right now is because my sweatshirt failed me. I am buying a new one someday. I want an Abercrombie one.

Also today I pulled down a kid's pants. It wasn't in a violent child molester way - but more of a sit down kinda way. That probably doesn't make any sense. The rest of the class was sitting in a circle and he was prancing around me trying to entertain the rest of the class with his childish antics. In my subtle attempt to get him to sit down I gave his shorts a little tug and.....well, he didn't think he was "Mr. Cool" after the rest of the class saw him in his undies. The class was just cracking up. I guess it's a good thing that he didn't cry.

Also, I am going to stop ignoring the voices in my head...if you know what I mean.

sin chibi

It's almost Christmas!!! I will celebrate by....going to work and coughing a lot. Recently my body has decided that the best thing to do all day is cough. So that's what I do. Today I coughed for like 60 seconds straight...and not just normal girly coughs, but like launch my germs into the next room coughs. It was kinda embarrasing since after all - I was in the middle of teaching. But oh well. I could cough at home or cough and get paid. People always say "no news is good news!" I am not sure if they are serious when they say it - well maybe if it is regarding a bad situation...but hopefully not their life. To me, most news is good news (not CNN). Because it means that something happened. I am really not sure what I am talking about or why. But my throat still hurts and my Thai Noodles are almost ready. I have two big jugs of peanut butter. They are both half empty. The reason for this is when the first one was half empty I decided it was too difficult to get more PB out and I got sick of getting it on my knuckles. So I just opened up the second jug.

Haha, I just accidentally dropped the sauce packet into the boiling water with my noodles, then I fished it out with the spatula that I used for pancakes yesterday. Today I didn't have to teach the little munchkins because I guess one of the parents complained! YES! So in other words, by sucking, my job got easier. I am not sure if this blog is making much sense. Usually when I blog, I have some sort of topic, but today i just sat down and started writing. This is kinda what my research papers were like my freshmen and soph years (of college not HS).

To get to the other side!

Today I asked this guy about his week or family or something. Either way, while he was babbling on about who knows what, I thought of a cool joke. It goes something like this:

What did Shizuka say to her boyfriend when he gave her coupons for the Noodle Shop?

Answer: How RAMENTIC!!!!!

I've only thought up a few jokes while students talk me to death...but I think this one's my best.

The Japan Times

"The U.S. Department of Agriculture announced Monday the partial lifting of its four-year-old import ban on Japanese beef, while welcoming Tokyo's decision the previous day to resume imports of U.S. beef after a two-year ban."

Great. So both countries ended bans on the other's beef. So now Japan can buy beef from America and America can buy beef from Japan. I have been fortunate enough to eat beef from the US and from Japan - and to be honest - they taste the same. I'm sure there is a very logical explanation, but for the sake of simplicity, why don't both countries just re-ban it?

And the award goes toooo.............

Minnesota. According to the strib, MN is the healthiest state again!! Yes!! I haven't been there in over a year, but other than gain ten pounds and get a serious rash - my health hasn't changed much. Maybe it really is the healthiest state, but I still can't help but find this funny:

"Minnesota held onto its spot as the healthiest state for a third year in a row in a nationwide ranking.....from United Health Foundation, based in Minnetonka."

And only 9 percent of kids live in poverty. Crazy.

ESL old lady

I think I mentioned it in an earlier post - but just incase - there are a couple kinds of ESL funnies. When a student tries to be funny, makes a strange mistake or when their personality is just wacko. So today I had this cute old lady telling me some story about who knows what?@!? She was a wacko - a cute old one.

We were talking about how the Yen is worth so little right now... she went on to tell me how it used to be worth way less back in the day... "when the Americans visited Japan" (I am only about %90 sure that she was talking about WWII). Then "my dog brought good food to his girlfriend's house." "He did a sorry style." I have no clue at all where that came from or why she said it. But to finish off, she asked if one of my parents was J, I told her it was on my mom's side and she said "I'm sorry." Again, no explanation and I can't even figure out what she meant. But it was funny.

In other news, last night was the first night in my life that i've ever just left the trash in because i was too lazy to take it out. Usually it's because i forget...but i just couldn't be bothered. So a few more days of rotting chicken fat in hanging above my sink. Oh well, since it's about 40F in my room it shouldn't start to smell for awhile.

A couple quotes

From the "personality" lesson...where I try to get students to talk about different personalities. So I start with "tell your partner about your best friend" - hoping they will say something like "he's nice" or "funny."

Student 1: Do you have a best friend?
Student 2: Yes, I have many best friends!

Later on in the day...a student trying to explain to me that he's not a vegetarian because he was raised eating meat: "I was raised by animals."

Teaching English etc.

Today I was doing a lesson on the "water cycle" with 3 students. It shows a picture of the trees, a lake, rain the sky/clouds etc. The students learn new vocabulary like condensation and evaporation etc. They are suppposed to practice using language like - first, then, because of, as a result etc. to describe how water goes from rain, to a lake and then back to clouds...hence the "water cycle" title. The second page has a picture of the same diagram except it also has a factory, cars and dead trees. The discussion is as follows:

Me: So, looking at this picture, work together and describe how normal rain becomes acid rain.

Student 1: Well, when sulfur dioxide, carbon dioxide and hydro-chloride react with the rain and the PH is under 7, you have acid rain.

Student 2: .......
Student 3: .......
Me: .......OK! Good work class.

I hate kangaroos

Well day two of my diet didn't go so well. I forgot my lunch at home...so I ate at maccas. Eating there is bad when you're not on a diet. I stepped on the scale today and it was exactly the same as yesterday.

Tmrw I have to teach "chibis." I guess that is what they call kids from the age of birth to the point when they speak their first word in their native tongue. How my evil employer ever managed to convince people to bring their little tots into English language lessons when they don't speak Japanese is beyond me. I bet it was from some person telling them that children learn language better when they are younger. I, however, completely disagree with this. While I have not read about it, studied it, or even dealt with it first hand..I have studied another language and it was pretty hard. I can't imagine it would be any easier for a 6 month old. To me this is an excuse used by adults to avoid learning another language. "Oh, I wish I would have learned it when I was 5, it would have been so easy." "Now that I am old and have all these dictionaries and grammar books it's just impossible!"

To me the reason people find it so difficult is usually because they are afraid to make a fool of themselves. They don't want to make mistakes or say something only to find out later that they sounded like a perv. Of course there are also the obvious reasons like studying for 1 hour a week etc. I'm sure if parents only talked to their kid for 15 min a day they probably wouldn't learn the language too quick either. I mean cmon...little American kids aren't learning real English anyway. Whenever people speak to them they speak like idiots, they add "y" onto the end of everything. I think I should open a language school designed to teach E in that method. That would be retardedy wardedy.

I just came up with that theory (I'm sure I'm not the first) all because I don't want to.....

"jump like a monkey, jump jump jump
hop like a kangaroo hop hop hop
sing like a something sing sing sing"

Yes, I will be singing that in about 12 hours, I don't even know the words. wish me lucky ducky.

Pet peeves

There are a few things in life that really bother me. While the list is not complete, these are the things that are bothering me at the moment:

That I have to shave everyday before work. I just hate it.
That I have to work everyday after I shave. I hate that too.

Well, that is all I can think of at the moment. I could just quit and not shave. But what would society think of me then?

And in sad news...81.4 kgs. I am not sure how much that is in lbs, I am afraid to look. Well, starting five minutes ago, I am on a diet. That was my pm weigh in and I will do it again Jan 1st - pm.

I care about people I don't know.

I roughed up a 14 year old kid today. In my defense, he was the same size as me and probably about the same strength (although I am much better looking). Actually, it was his fault and not mine. I had him in an arm lock and I was going very slow. I probably had him in it for ten seconds...slowly pulling it back. And I was carefully watching his other hand, waiting for the inevitable tap...it never happened. All the spectators started yelling "stop stop" (in English!). What is that age when males start to think that they are really tough? Well, to make a long story short he should be fine in two weeks.

This incident and my post-arm lock feelings have made me realize a lot about myself. For one, I think I am getting more mature. I feel really bad even though it was %100 his fault. That coupled with the fact that I have this voice in the back of my head nagging me to do the dishes. I don't need clean dishes, but the voice is there. Is that a sign of maturity? Insanity? I don't even have any plans to have company over or anything. It seems that my idea of logic just happens to be changing - only I can't justify it. It's like doing the dishes is almost becoming an instinct. I guess that's probably why this blog just keeps going on about nothing...I don't want to do the dishes, I just feel like I should.

On the positive side of things, I did realize today that I can pretty much handle the toughest 14 year olds around. And I'll be honest, it was a pretty sweet armlock.

If you want to do Brazilian Jiu Jitsu in Osaka, it's in Teradacho.

Kyoto

Panda Heaven
Originally uploaded by terw0015.

Went to Kyoto with my buddy Mike and our J tour guide whose name is....chi? I'm bad with names. I was planning on seeing two different sites, unfortunately the first site was so cool that we never made it to the second. Kyoto is now my new favorite near place. I think it replaced nothing. But, there does seem to be a ton of cool stuff to do there and I will def. be heading back there sometime. The bamboo was actually towards the bottom of the cool things list...my $50 fisheye lens actually kicked out some cool pictues. Cool things to see in Arashiyama (my one stop in Kyoto) - kids, fall leaves, the bridge, the river, bamboo and boats. Things to avoid - restaurants, going on holidays and squid cooks.

Work is funny...sometimes

Well,I am not sure if funny stuff is always happening and I'm just in the "mark zone" so I don't notice it... or, the past few days have been full of strange quotes etc. These are from the last two days. I swear sometimes I go weeks without my students saying anything funny.

This one was just on a shirt: sloppiness will be the causes of the increase in the juvenile crime.

I actually spent the whole lesson pondering it. Then I was doing the "interesting experiences" lesson. So I asked them, "what's the most interesting experience you've ever had?"

#1 "I went scuba diving in Guam, it was fun." (very normal answer!)
#2 "I touched a fox.....in Chicago." (I thought I misheard him, but he repeated it for me).
#3 "No interesting experiences....ehhhh...but I have a four leaf clover." (he then took it out of his pocket and showed me).

I am not sure if others would even find these funny, but I was just cracking up. And...
"I heard about someone who can extinguish fires with their stomach gas." And we weren't even talking about fires, gas, stomachs or anything of the sort...very random and almost a little disturbing.



In not so funny Mark news, after going crazy I put in a transfer request - only to hear back that "they need me there." But today after telling everyone how nuts I've gone others broke down and told me that they've put in transfer requests too. I guess it's not normal to just tell everyone you work with that your surroundings are driving you bonkers...but i did.

This blog is not interesting

But I'll blog anyway. I put in a transfer request today. Time for a new school. I was on a roll too. Almost eight months, that's the longest I've ever worked at one place in my entire life. I think I was at about six months in a warehouse once. I don' t know what it is, but I don't really seem capable of working. I can work for a few months and then I just wanna quit. I think it's from teachers/parents telling me that I could have some awesome job when I grew up. They forgot to tell me that I would need to start working at it when I was 15. Actually, I think I pretty much could do any job that I really wanted to, the problem is figuring out what that is. All I know is in the last couple of days I've gotten really sick of work. It's easy, pays ok, but still, its just old. "I'm sooo over it." That's what everyone says here about stuff they are sick of. I'm not sure if that's some popular saying that I just missed or maybe it just caught on at my school. I've actually been really busy lately.

Oh yeah, I bought a plane ticket to Hawaii today. Most people probably wouldn't complain about going to Hawaii for two weeks in January...well I'm not really either, I just hate spending money that I earn.

I've gained eight pounds since I got here. Nooooo!!!! Well December is diet month. I think I can lose ten pounds in a month.

Also, I had to wear dirty socks to work the last two days. I get home after ten 5 days a week and my washing machine is outside so I can't do laundry (cause I'm so neighborly).

And can anyone tell me - are pickles healthy? I've always just kinda assumed that greens were healthy. But pickles? How about olives? Those things can't be healthy, they're so good. I can't imagine some mother saying "now Johny, don' forget to eat your pickles and olives."

And a lack of which food group/vitamin etc. results in bad dandruff (a friend wants to know)?

costco by train

for the zillions of lost souls who are looking for costco in the kansai region, you need to find the amagasaki station. How do I find that? How much does it cost? That information is here: http://grace.hyperdia.com/cgi-english/hyperd01.cgi

I don't know if there is only one in kansai. But if you live in Osaka it is the place to go. Once you get to the Amagasaki station, there is a bus that comes around every hour on the hour(i think). The bus is free and its a short bus! Maybe its best to ask the driver, I don't want to send you off on the wrong bus. If your new to Japan and unsure of how to ask or you don't speak Japanese just look confused, point at the bus and say "costco?" Easy. Well anyway, once your at the amagasaki station you can figure it out for yourself. Then when your leaving, catch the same bus. It just goes in a loop and I believe the only stops are at the station and at costco (costco is near a big shopping complex).

Costco here has basically the same stuff as it does in the states. same pizza and hot dogs. same choco muffins and croissants. NO BURRITOS. They do deliver for Y500 a box...again don't quote me on that. Well good luck in your journey. If you are a guy who will be travelling by train and eats a lot of food, I suggest a camping backpack. Carrying boxes sucks. Also, you need the membership card but i am sure you already knew that. one last thing. if you have one of those "japanese fridges" make sure you don't buy too much stufffor it.

a blog some might find gross

the cool thing about teaching 10 yr olds is that no matter how much i fart in class, they never suspect it's me. it's like adults don't fart or something. they always blame the fat kid. and he always denies it. so i just fart on.

Kate W. Youre so cool. we will hang out again someday.

Fashion Police, JR officer

Every season has its own fashion. And every season we have loads of magazines that tell us what we should wear to be in style (usually aimed at girls). Usually we get some top ten lists, some dos and donts. But let's be honest, that stuff never applies to any of us. Most of us don't care if a Gucci bag clashes with Prada jeans. Can you wear a coat made out of polar bear fur to an office party? Or should you go with the albino fox fur. Who cares. Why people (ok girls) buy these magazines I don't know. Whoever puts out these surveys neglects Joe Schmo. I see so many crazy things in Japan and some just weird me out.

Ok, first, yes Japan is a completely different country. Thus some rule breaking is ok. For example, a guy can dye his hair golden brown, style it like Bon Jovi. He can then find the tightest pants around and complete the outfit with some pointed boots. He is now ready to pick up chicks. These chicks are most likely sporting eyelashes about a half inch long. They are wearing lots of layers. Possibly really short cut-off jeans over black sweatpants. To go along with that, they are wearing thick cotton socks, the horizontal stripes are pink and black. High heels go good with this outfit. These two outfits are perfectly acceptable. However, they are not universally acceptable.


Keep in mind that you are getting your fashion "do's" from a guy who has no sense of fashion whatsoever. Most of the clothes I wear would be refused by secondhand stores. But I do not, at least I don't think, break any of the rules on "the universal don't wear clothing list for men...created by Mark and his blog friends."

So, how do you know if it's a universal rule? Well, basically anytime a guy like me is offended by your clothing it is universally unacceptable - thus a rule. So, so far there are only two rules that I know of. I imagine there really are around ten, I just haven't been exposed to the offense. So....

1. Under no circumstances should you ever tuck your tshirt into your sweatpants. I am not sure why this offends me, it just does. The level of offense is increased the further up your pants are. So for every inch your pants are raised past the normal level you will spend an extra year in fashion jail. If your shirt is tucked in and your sweatpants are raised past your belly button you will serve a life term.

2. White cotton socks with a nice black suit. Of course you are only breaking the rule if one can actually see your socks - otherwise it's ok. Also, if the suit is not "nice," then you are off the hook and can even pull your socks up over your pants.

Feel free to add any fashion comments in the comments section. My monthly fashion magazine will be coming out soon. It will just be a lot of pictures of people dressed in funny clothes. I will be on the cover.

Mark news.

I got an email today from an old friend and it made me happy.
I will be working OT again this weekend.
I washed my work shirts yesterday. I don't do that very often.
I have a cold. It's the first time I've had one in years - at least one worthy of coughdrops and orange juice. It's blogworthy.
So for those that care, here is what life is sometimes like for Mark:

3 days of my week are like this: I wake up at 8:30 and catch the 9:04 train. It takes me ten minutes to get to the station and I eat breakfast! Crazy. Work starts at 10 and ends at 5:40. I listen to my Ipod for the train trip and sometimes when my coworkers are talking too loud...even though I do like them. After work on these three days I go to BJJ. Usually I stay there until about 9:15. At 9:30 they end, they all get in a circle, say things in Japanese, and take turns bowing. I leave early just to avoid being THAT GUY. I get home at about 10. Then I usually eat dinner...ideally something that I cook that night. Then the next morning I take it to work. Jiu Jitsu is honestly the first hobby I've ever had...well climbing was almost a hobby.

Anyway, those are three days of my week. The other four will come in Chapter 2. Maybe 2 and 3. Well, we know I will probably forget to finish this "blog series" and you will all die extremely curious as to what I do with four days of my week. Well, I actually have a lot of things that I mean to do. I have them sitting out, visual reminders that I should be doing them. But like I said, I have difficulty doing things sometimes.

Anyway, I am glad that I have friends who, every now and then, remind me that my life should have some direction. And I believe it does. I am in that stage where I think I am pointed in the right direction, I just haven't moved. I think I have been in that stage for too long. Honestly, I am getting sick of it. I promise that someday the "Mark's daily life blog series" will be something worth reading. Until then, you're just going to have to deal with a bunch of nonsense.

I finally got some ass from the neighbor

ass
Originally uploaded by terw0015.

Ikoma is a strange city. From what I understand, there are 30,000 people that live here. And from what I have experienced, after midnight, there is no place to get any painkillers at all. Yesterday I had this terrible headache. I tried to go to sleep at like 9pm. By midnight I was going crazy and decided I needed some meds. I started walking around the city. First to ampm, the local convenience store. Five different types of contact solution...nothing for a headache. Wandering around the city for awhile I ran into a 7-11. Again, lots of contact solution, but no meds. I don't understand it...not only the lack of things to treat a headache but what's the deal with the contact solution? Anyway, I paid a visit to my nice neighbor Valerie from Mauritius. She wasn't sure if she had anything, but she dug threw her first aid kit that she got in Germany and...well, she was pretty sure that these pills she had were for a headache. I don't know why she thought that. It was just white pills and on the back of the packaging it said ASS. That's it. Well, you know you have a bad headache when you are willing to take random pills labled ASS. Anyway, I think they worked. So, to all of you who expected some raunchy story about my late night encounter with the neighbor...I'm sorry. And Valerie, for being in my blog under such circumstances...I'm sorry...and thanks for the ASS (I have bufferin now if you ever need it).

My name is Mark, can I stay at your place for a few days?

I am going to spend a week in Tokyo this December. I am looking forward to everything except the part about it being "the most expensive city in the world." I guess coming from the "second most expensive city in the world," it shouldn't be that big of a deal. But of course, we are talking about the "cheapest guy in the world."

So far, on the internet $60 a night for a hotel is the average cheap price. So I could do that....or....

try to get random people from myspace.com to let me stay with them. I will let you know how it goes.

I remember road trippin in the early college days and being bummed out that we had to pay $30 for a hotel room - and that was before splitting it between five people.

And I did pushups yesterday. First in 7 months.

wanna make out?
Originally uploaded by terw0015.

I ironed my bed. I put my mattress outside. I slept in pants, socks and a long sleeve shirt. I changed my soap. And believe it or not, I went to the doctor!! About 20 pills ago, my entire body was covered by these. Hands? No, red bubbly sores. The worst part wasn't being so ugly, I'm used to that, it was the itching. The mosquito in the previous blog was able to fill itself to the MAX without me even noticing. Why? Because my entire body felt like it was being attacked by mosquitoes at all times. I hope the pic turns out. Its a cellphone one. I think in a few days I will write a blog about what I have actually been up to - in case anyone cares. Later

mozzy

mozzy
Originally uploaded by terw0015.

Well enough with the stupid story. I don't have the energy. But a warning to all mosquitoes: I like my blood, if you take it, I will kill you. First I will electrocute you. Then, I will photograph your stunned self. Then, after taking a Qtip and reclaiming my blood, I will take another picture. If you happen to be an extraordinarily large mozzy, I will put it on my blog.

An Introduction to Torture

The thing that sucks about blogging is you never really tell everything about your life. Not that you should or anything. But sometimes when you want to blog about one simple little thing, you realize that you will also have to incorporate three or four other entirely new events just so it will make sense. So that is what I will be doing here in a 2-5 part series I will call "torture." Of course, sometimes I say I am going to do something, I take one step, and then I stop. So maybe I will forget to finish and it won't make any sense. And for those that read my blog once a month or who stumble upon it by some cyberspace mishap, they will have to read it in reverse order. As far as I know, there is no way to change the settings so the first part is always shown first. Of course I could write it all in one blog. Or I could write it backwards. But really, one chapter at a time is hard enough for me. Actually, now that I think of it, it's going to be one of those that you can start at any point and just read all the way around again. Like a circle, it has no direction. Are there really books like this? That just loop around? Well if there aren't, there will be soon. So stay tuned.

Shopping at Costco

This blog is one of those advice blogs. Not one where you (worried in MN) write me with your problems and I give you advice - but one where I write about my problems and others give me advice. But I just want you to know that this isn't a sympathy blog. I don't expect you to feel sorry for me because of my huge problems. You don't need to get me a card or anything. I am just looking for advice. And besides, most likely you suffer from the same problems. Be assured, there are many of us out there. Or maybe you don't even know about it. Better to find out now and take care of it than to let it compound, like I have. This problem is one that I have been suffering from for about 6 years or so. I don't remember the first time it happened. And although I have always been aware of it, until now I have never thought about searching for a solution.

I think it is a problem that affects many college age students as well as recent graduates. When I go grocery shopping, I follow a simple shopping pattern and, over the years, it has become a habit. I walk up and down every single food aisle in the store. I look at every different product. If something looks good I buy it. The problem isn't with the food, it's with other shoppers who do the same thing. So maybe I'm in Costco and there are 20 aisles for me to go through. I am going through each one. Back and forth, while some other person does the same thing. Except...they are going the opposite direction. This means that I have to pass them one time for every aisle. Big deal. But if there only happen to be a few people in the entire store then I am sure you can see how this is weird. I know what you're thinking. Just say "hi" and you have a new friend, yaaay! Well it doesn't always work like that. Sometimes you say "hi" and they just glare at you like you're retarded. And then the problem enters the second stage. You have to walk by them again in about 60 seconds and then again until you have both covered every aisle in the stupid store. Do you greet them again as a way to show that their badassness didn't faze you? That would of course be my advice to someone who has the same problem. But easier said than done. All I know is that fleeing the aisle ranks or reversing course is shopping treason for all I'm concerned. Do you stare at some product and pretend that you are adding up the carbs as they pass by again? And again? And again? And what about cuddly couples? They always appear to feel obligated to break their embrace and get back to shopping. And I always feel like I'm crashing someone's party. Oh, here's Mark again...

So other than the options I've already discussed, I can only think of one more really. And that's not saying anything at all. Of course, walking by someone 20 times in a store, making eye contact, and then looking away without saying anything also seems rude. So...avoid eye contact? That's how I lived for the first 19 years of my life and it sucked.

So, for those of you suffering from this same problem, please feel free to post your thoughts. You can remain anonymous if you wish.

Unless of course there is some universal walking direction that everyone already knows and I have been walking the wrong way all my life (that may explain a lot of things). If that's the case, I'll feel pretty stupid. It would explain the occasional odd looks I get. And my friends would be huge jerks.

Nothing to do with ESL

Well, I have been here for six months - the contract is half way over. Do I have any money? No. But my piggy bank (aka brain) has been filling up with other things such as... cultural knowledge! All of the things that I, at one point, found confusing about Japanese people/culture can be traced back to one thing.

Japanese men hate their wives.

Of course I don't mean to stereotype, but I believe this best explains some of the cultural oddities that I have encountered.

One of the things that baffled me early on was how people would just line up at the crosswalk and wait for the little green man to flash. I of course would just walk around them, look both ways and cross the street. Not only would I do this while the man was red, I would cross at a diagonal. I can't remember the last time I felt like such a rebel - probably while chewing gum in my 10th grade confirmation class. Anyway, my early theories on why they were not crossing the street:
a. respect for the law
b. a fear of being the first one to do it and having everyone else look on in shame
c. not wanting to look both ways but well aware of the consequences of not doing so

But after many conversations with different husbands and wives I am now convinced that Japanese men hate their wives. The sooner they cross the street, the sooner they get home. This, coupled with a few other cultural aspects creates J culture. While to many outsiders, J culture consists of geisha girls, temples and statues all competing for attention with robot dogs and bullet trains, J culture is completely different.

J culture consists mainly of work and shopping.

Men seem to work 70 hours a week - and they don't really like their jobs. Women seem to shop for 70 hours a week - spending the man's hard earned cash. Do the men care? No. Do they complain? As far as I know...no. Why do they do this? Well, because...Japanese men hate their wives.

The more they are at work - the more they are out of the house - making money to keep their wives out of the house. Where I am from, this would never work. The working man would not give his wife any money. Thus he wouldn't be forced to work 80 hours a week. The woman would have to get a job. Then for whatever reason they would get divorced. But in Japan they don't seem to split up quite so often. It's not as cool I guess. The stress then builds until the man can no longer take it and is forced to seek refuge the only acceptable way - avoidance. This also explains things such as karaoke and pachinko - numbers 3 and 4 on the J culture list. I will save those for another blog. So, what this all boils down to is - next time you see someone waiting for the "walk" sign to signal them across an empty street - go up and say "hi." Help them out, they hate their life. Unless of course they are 5, then it's because they have poor depth perception, short legs, and cars can't see them.

Who's afraid of foreigners?

Yesterday I taught one of his kids - today I had him. Trying to kill time, I asked him how his son was doing and told him that I was the kid's teacher yesterday. The boy couldn't really do anything except say "eeemmm, eeemmm," but I didn't tell pops. I think he already knew what his son could say. He then told me the real reason that his children were taking English lessons. Not to learn English - but to get used to foreigners. He said that he didn't see his first foreigner until he was well into his double digits, and when he did...yikes!
"What scared you about foreigners?"
"Well...blond hair, blue eyes, tall....muscular...chest hair."

The best part was he seemed so serious when he was telling me this.

I teach English to Japanese people

In this lesson, the lady was supposed to learn how to reply politely to someone who is telling you a tall tale or something like that. Things like - are you sure, that couldn't have happened, yeah, whatever etc. So I started off the lesson by telling her the story of the stretchy guy who breaks into houses by sliding through the chimney, toilet or vents. He then kills them and eats their liver. He needs the livers to sustain him for his thirty year hibernation. And when that ends, everything will start all over again. One of the classic X-files episodes from season one. Ideally, after about three sentences, the lady would say "yeah, sure, and bees might fly out of my butt." But she insisted on listening to the whole thing without speaking. And then when I was finished she looked shocked. I am not sure if it was because she couldn't believe what her instructor just told her, or if it was because she was scared for her life. Anyway, it was funny.

Yesterday, after getting tired of the kids I was teaching, I changed the language from something like "I am hungry" to "I am hopeless." It's amusing how I can just say that sentence a few times and they will all repeat it over and over again as they parade around the room with big smiles on their faces.

Blue Steel vs Magnum

http://themagnumgroup.net/

The Magnum Group

They offer CAD services. They're from India and they're "mad as hell." Rather than depend on commercials or good old fashioned word of mouth, they are getting their name out there by dropping spam in the comment section of my blog. Well Mr Lakshman Balaraman, I've got news for you. Advertising on my page won't do you any good. I don't know how they do it in India, but in (insert country here) they pay for advertising. And seriously. Do you know what kind of people read my blog? The kind that will pay for your services with counterfeit money and stolen checks. OK, seriously, you're trying to advertise on a page that is read by 4 different people - once a month -and they are from Pakistan.

By the way. I want to visit India someday. Want to meet up somewhere? Your English seems pretty good and someone to show me around would be great. I can't help you with any CAD stuff but I can give you some great PR tips - free of charge. You can even take my picture (neck up only) and use it on your webpage and billboards (trust me I'm hot).

Finally

Pulled off my first twister today - from the bottom. It's a spine lock that I have been sporadically trying to do for a few months now. I just wish it was legal.
Yes!

U of MN journalism at its finest

I didn't read the article. But the headline says it all: Report finds bar air cleaner since ban. Does the study conclude that a closed room with a bunch of people smoking in it will have air that is dirtier than that of a room without smokers? I don't know. Why don't you read it and find out.

Does smoking actually clean up the air? Is it good for your lungs? I don't know. Like I said, I didn't read the article.

Kung Fu, babes and cages. Japan - where it's all at.

Events from a couple days ago.

My boy Nobuki. He is really low level and tries really hard. He reminds me of..from HS Dan Olson...from UMD M Hill...from the U...No one, sorry, I hung out with normal people. Anyway, he whipped out his comic books. I was thinking - oh man, 40 min of him telling me about some J Kung Fu story. Anyway, at some point he either thought I asked "do you know Kung Fu?" or he asked if I wanted a demonstration while I was carelessly nodding my head up and down like I knew what he was talking about. Either way, out of nowhere, he got up, checked the door to make sure no one was looking, and then went into Kung Fu mode. He was doing all these crazy chops, grunts, stomps etc. It was great. I wish I had a picture. I was trying not to laugh because he was so serious about it. But I couldn't help it.

A different lesson, same day.
Again, doing the doc/patient lesson.
Ending the class with "so, have you ever been to the hospital?"

"yes, when I was six" He then went on to demonstrate how he broke his arm in the escalator. Apparently he just refused to let go and his arm went back around with the railing. I am still not exactly sure - I want a pic. I asked him what his mom said: "you're a bad boy!" I am not sure if he was wondering why I was laughing so much at his "I broke my arm" story. I hope not.

And finally, getting a fortysomething year old guy to tell me about his first love. He was in 3rd grade at the time. "She was 9."
What did he like about her? "She was beautiful."

All in a day's work.

Yesterday's quote, from the "let's buy a pet" lesson. "We have to keep someone in a cage." :)

Resumes

I remember when I was trying to type up a good resume. I was looking at all these online examples and they were all so stupid. I just stumbled across some real resumes on a work wanted type site If someone has "experience with Word," does that make them more qualified for anything? Isn't that a given? Aren't resumes usually created with Word?

Maybe the real key to getting a good job is letting your employer know that you can read. People never put this on their resume. The HR dept won't assume anything (especially if you're from the UofM). Who wants to hire people that can't read? Haha. (Insert joke about Kate's job here).... ok ok, mine too.

Another day....another day

Today I was trying to get a guy to understand the phrase: you/you've lost me. He understood it. But what he couldn't understand was why no one ever says "I lost me." You lost me/I lost me. Now I am confused as to why nobody ever says it. Yay, I just lost me!

According to my transcript, I went to UMD

- - - - - Beginning of Undergraduate Record - - - - -
Fall Semester 1999
University of Minnesota, Duluth
College of Sci & Engineering
Undecided Pre-Major
Attempted Earned
ART 1001 Art Today 3.00 3.00 B-
ECON 1023 Prin Econ: Micro 3.00 3.00 B-
MATH 1160 Finite, Intro Calc 5.00 5.00 D+
PE 1402 Tennis 1.00 1.00 A-
SBE 1101 Bus Environment 3.00 3.00 C
TERM GPA : 2.156 TERM TOTALS : 15.00 15.00


Everything about this is strange. My grades were horrible. Engineering? I guess to be fair, by blaming my grades on my high school, I must also give credit where it's due. Yes, that's LPGE tennis representin! ha.

Seriously, seeing the beginning of my transcript does bring back memories...of all the things I used to do instead of going to class...the homework and reading assignments that I didn't do. And it's a painful reminder of how sometimes not doing a thing will quite possibly result in...nothing. It puts in perspective how much I've changed during the past 6 years. If Senior Mark (5th year!) would have seen Freshman Mark he would have laughed and thanked the Lord for people like him...because they made him feel smart. This is one of those blogs that I might regret putting up later.

Keeping em quiet

McRae, what exactly do you do for an elementary education major? Do they have like a...wasting time class? Where they teach you different tips and techniques to make it to the bell? I am slowly learning stuff as I go. I imagine normal teachers have a book or something, so if you have any good ones let me know. My new favorite trick is to make sure that before the kids start coloring that they all have very sharp colored pencils. While this could be dangerous, coloring with crayons is just too fast. Colored pencils (sharp ones) extend the coloring session an extra five minutes. And if you point out all the little spots they missed, that's an extra five minutes. So if you have any tips on dragging stuff on, just leave them in the comment box. Of course - serious answers only!

Nara candles

Nara candles
Originally uploaded by terw0015.

Went to some festival in Nara. There were candles everywhere. Honoring the dead(I accidentally kicked over 2 candles). Saw a big dog, some temples, and some deer. Nothing too special is coming to mind. I bet mike blogs about this even though he would be breaking the "only one person can blog about each event" rule. And then he will say he didnt see mine.

Old school

Back to a Japan related blog. Two more quotes, both from the same lesson. It was the "I'm the doc, you're the patient" lesson. I had themcome up with their own problems. There were only two students in the class and they both had some killer lines. I started them off by saying something like "so what seems to be the problem?"

Guy #1 "I have a hangover. And I drank a bottle of medicine to cheer me up."
I cracked up.

Guy #2 "I broke my legs"
Me "when did this happen?"
Guy #2 "yesterday"

Again, I was laughing.

And today I had to play Uno again. Yes, I get paid to play Uno. One day this guy is going to win. I modified the rules on my side. I am no longer allowed to change the color by playing the same number - but I can still use wilds. The result of this was the longest unfinished game of Uno that I have ever played. Highlights were my student playing the wild card and then "changing" the color to the color that it already was - twice. And, playing the wild card and changing the color to a color that he didn't have - twice.

Holy Cats!

Well here is one for you Kate, I got it from the Strib:

"Study deems the Twin Cities liberal"

Twin cities? Liberal?

Deem:
To have as an opinion; judge.
To regard as; consider.

I didn't read the article. I just hope the study was funded by private donations.

Donuts aren't just for cops

Kate, your blog reminded me of my own donut story. Back in the warehouse days I used to work pretty long hours sometimes. And those days when the shifts reached the 14-16 hour mark - we would get donuts. It was always so nice to feel that our hardwork and long hours didn't go unnoticed. And they were always the good kind. I guess they weren't donut donuts, but rather rolls, with custard, twists, all that junk. The stuff fat rich people buy - as opposed to poor fat people. Well, it turned out that there was no benevolent manager. It was actually a co-worker!! How thoughtful. It would be difficult for someone to bring in 50 rolls once a week, especially on warehouse worker dollars, but he managed to do it.

Well, only a country bumkin like myself would assume that some poor fellow went out of his way to make others happy - especially at a Minneapolis warehouse. The reason we only got the donuts when we worked long hours was because it wasn't until around 5am that the neighboring gas station got their shipment and my sly coworker would go swipe a box from the truck. So yes, they were stolen, but they were still good. He did this for quite a few weeks and we all loved it...

But, all good things must come to an end. The police took his car (or his license, can't remember). Anyway, he couldn't drive.

So to make a long story short. If you are ever dropping someone off at the hospital who is suffering from multiple gunshot wounds - don't just roll them out of the car onto the sidewalk and take off. It's illegal. I am not sure why. I don't make the laws. But when the police take your car, it may be your co-workers that suffer the most. Who cares if he was "whinnin like a little baby" or "it was just a little 22." The sidewalk is for bums, not your bleeding accomplice.

Typical

A copy and paste from CNN. Found it funny...not sure why.

When asked if that was a threat of possible retaliation, Rumsfeld replied, "I don't imply threats."

Kamikochi

Originally uploaded by terw0015.

She was working on her flowers when I asked her how to get to the temple. She started pointing in every different direction and went inside. I could hear her washing her hands. I was about 90% sure that she said "just a minute." But my Japanese sucks. So I said "thank you" and started walking off. Then she said it again and came out with a tomato sliced in two and her cane. She gave me the tomato and started walking me down the street. She was very Yoda like, she had the size, the cane, and I am sure she had the wisdom too. I don't like tomatoes, but I forced myself to eat it. When I took too long of a break she would point to it as if to remind me it was still in my hand. Then I would take another bite and use my smile to reassure her that her tomatoes were excellent. She kept talking to me as if I understood Japanese, maybe because I kept nodding my head like I understood Japanese. The tomato had left its nasty residue all over my hand - nothing like ketchup or tomato soup either. I managed to choke down half of the tomato. We arrived at the temple, she turned around and waddled back. I chucked the other half of the tomato into the temple bushes. I like things with tomatoes in them, just not straight tomatoes. After the whole experience I went camping and had the typical non-blogworthy camping experience. Here's a pic.

Rant

Every now and then one of those websites pops up that is just annoying – even worse than mine! http://www.werenotafraid.com/ Two things about this site, not only is the entire thing ridiculous, but they have bracelets for sale! Enough with the stupid rubbery bracelets. Stop it! They are OK if they are the Lance Armstrong Live Strong or whatever bracelets, because those are the originals – as far as I know anyway. But all the other “let’s sell some bracelets” groups need to stop.

So the idea of this website – as reported on by the ever so popular Strib – is that people send in pictures of themselves holding up signs or with a printed text that says “were not afraid.” It is of course a message to the terrorists. Is there some secret tape somewhere of Osama or some other terrorist guy discussing their plans to scare the entire world? Where did this whole scare thing come from? I remember something about “shock and awe.” That sounds like it might have been scary. If they wanted to scare us, they would write a book like Stephen King – he gets paid for it. Or they could dress up like gremlins and go around asking for candy. While I have no direct (or even indirect – I hope) connections to any Middle Eastern terrorist groups, I am pretty sure that the bombs in London were not meant to scare people. My best guess is that they were meant to kill people – hence the trains during rush hour etc. And these websites with all these people holding up their stupid signs just weird me out. Do they feel like they are really brave because they “are not scared.” What are they trying to do? Show the world that as they sit inside of their country home, in front of their webcam that they aren’t scared? What do they have to be scared of – an audit, a computer virus,Count Chocula? Who knows. I am sure if the average Iraqi citizen had internet they would all get a good laugh. Either way, this rant has gone on long enough. Since blowing the crap out of their homes and neighboring cities doesn’t seem to deter anything, I guess there is nothing wrong with thousands of people taking pictures of themselves and putting them on a website – that should do the trick…too bad they didn’t think of that a few hundred billion dollars ago. Anyway, the site would be a lot cooler if you could rate each picture. Then you would have to have the option of looking at the highest rated pictures for each gender…just a suggestion. Oh, and you should be able to send them private messages of course.

Japanese Poetry

If you don't live in Japan, you have no idea. But the Japanese English is great. Many Westerners laugh at its strange Mad Lib style grammar and word selection. But I have come to appreciate the true beauty of what I call Japanese Poetry. Anyone can do it. All you really need is a marker, a tshirt, and a dictionary. I can not quote any off the top of my head, but I have decided that I should get into the shirt making business. My shirts would say things like:

The loving breeze flown into his hair, but his thoughts were on it.
The beautiful dance did not assist the injury.
The life lost was a sweet harmony to all.
Crying was scared to sing beauty.
Lovers never eat raw distaste
The poor man felt for your soul, but it was gone like the aura of silence.

That was like 30 seconds of randomness, but im serious, these would be best sellers. Feel free to enter your own ideas (but I may steal them)

ps. shoplifting thoughts was he did it best to win the game of blog.

ha! beat that.

I moved house

Normally I would never say "I moved house." Is that even normal? But according to our textbooks it's OK and I now teach Japanese people to say this. When they ask me about the grammar I just say its Aussie English. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. Either way, I now live in a different apartment. I got wireless internet today and it works - and mike - I didn't even have to restart my computer. HAHA. It's too late for me to think now. I will give you the mark update later.

bye

In other news, I left my suitcase on the train today. haha

Sometimes one small thing can put everything in perspective. So today at work I thought of the coolest joke. It goes something like this: what are the 21st and 18th letters of the alphabet? Answer: You Are! ahahhahaha. At the time it seemed really funny. Sometimes when really boring people tell you about their really boring job (like I a doing now) while using a really monotonous voice, things like my joke can seem really funny. Either that or I have the lamest sense of humor in the world. Either way, that's the kind of stuff I think of while I work.

In other news, Kate, those postcards were pretty good. http://postsecret.blogspot.com The sad thing is that they remind me of my life. Since I read them 24 hours ago I have had two different encounters that just made me want to write up a special postcard! The first one would say something like this:

Today I saw a crazy homeless man feeding the birds. He was having so much fun. I couldn't help but think how sad it was that this is probably the most fun he has had in weeks. It was the coolest thing I saw all day.

and

This one girl I teach will cry if I call on her. Now I just wait until I see her eyes tearing up and then I call on someone else. As soon as her eyes dry up, I call on her again. I do this the entire lesson - it makes me feel good about myself.

Head shoulders knees and toes, knees and toes.

I had my first kid’s class yesterday. It didn’t go too bad. It’s amazing how smooth things can seem when no one is watching. Teaching kids was when I realized how nice it is to be working for an English teaching company that doesn’t care about the actual learning part – just the money. Apparently sometime during the last few months I was kids trained. I don’t remember any of that. I do remember a nice girl singing and dancing, but that’s all.

So, to sum up my group of kids, I basically just sat there saying things like “is he walking” or something. And ideally they would say “yes” or “no.” Even better, they would say, “he is walking.” But that did not happen. Pointing to a picture I asked “is he walking?” I am sure they would have replied if they were not so busy entertaining themselves. One girl did sit there and appear to be listening. But even if she was it would have been difficult due to the screaming from the one dude as he did laps around the room while twirling his shirt over his head. The other kid was having fun squeezing his own butt cheeks and making farting noises with his mouth. I actually kind of liked “teaching” these kids. It was entertaining. The only thing I am dreading is that someday I am going to have to do it while someone observes me. I imagine I will be about ready to quit by then anyway.

Also, a poem from my friend Margaret (i think the "mark" she refers to may be me):
mark my friend is bored in japan, needs to get out and see more of the land, beautiful and abundant as it may be, mark doesnt realise there is much more to see, his eyes already fixed on the road ahead, without stopping to indulge on the path that led, time will fly and he eventually will see, what a wonderful experience japan can be.

Bin Laden location: CIA confident

According to CNN. And if you ask them (or read the article) it probably says "according to the CIA." Either way, how come every 2-3 months the CIA says they know exactly where he is. Why don't they go arrest him or something? Is that in the plan? Are we waiting for him to invite us over?

Of course I did not actually read the article. But I can only guess as to why they know where he is but don't do anything about it. Isn't the US fighting a war because of him or something? I don't really know - I'm in Japan. Well, anyway, I am trying to guess what the reasons are that CNN lists in its article. Here is my list, feel free to add yours to the comment section. Don't forget the napoleonisms afterwards. And no reading the article, that's cheating!

1. The NBA playoffs - aghh
2. He is on the other side of the world. geez.
3. The war on terror used up all our arresting funds. gosh!
4. We got Saddam, what do we want Osama for! uhhhh
5. If the CIA arrested everyone they had info on they would arrest everyone.
6. Osama and the CIA are tight. Whaddaya think!



OK, I realize this article didn't really have anything to do with Japan, but there is nothing on my mind and I didn't want to go an entire month without updating this worthless piece of internet space. Visiondirect sucks.

Mark

my knees suck

Jiu jitsu. My knee said "pop!" I said "what?" And it didn't reply. I guess that's a good thing. I had my other knee pop about two weeks ago. Two weeks of inconvenience but it feels fine now. I am thinking worse case scenario it's just another ligament tear. Maybe not even that. I'll see how it feels tomorrow. Maybe I will luck out and the pop was just cartiledge and the pain is just my imagination (it's not that bad).

DsyndClub

DsyndClub
Originally uploaded by terw0015.

I was walking to the store, just as I do everyday during my lunch break. Walking over the bridge, my worst dreams were realized. The Down Syndrome Club was back. I see them about twice a week, always on my way to the store. They block the entrance. They shout at me. They stare at me. They crowd around me. They intimidate me. Sometimes numbering in the upper teens. A small gang, avoiding detection by operating during daylight hours and loitering near the station exit - in case they need to make a quick getaway. They pretend to sell baked goods, probably as a fund raiser for a new van or something, but only God knows what they are really up to. Money laundering, drug smuggling? I have no idea. But aware that getting into legal troubles could mean my exodus, I usually bury my chin into my chest, walk past them without making any eye contact, and buy my snacks at the small corporation about 10 feet behind them. But today was different. I am not exactly sure why. Maybe there were more. Maybe they were shouting louder. Maybe I made accidental eye contact. I don't remember. But I do know that I somehow managed to end up standing in front of their table pointing at different goods. I had crossed the line. There was no turning back. It didn't matter if the cookies were way overpriced or that they appeared to be have been taken from a larger bag of cookies and repackaged. It didn't matter that the comfort and safety of the store was just a few steps away. Was I funding some Middle Eastern terrorist group? It didn't matter. I pointed to a bag, gave them some money, and then left. They had my money, I walked away with some cookies and a new outlook on life. Everything was going to be OK. As I walked away the entire group erupted into what appeared to be a non-planned, unrehearsed, yet synchronized dance and cheer. What were they saying? I don't know. Did they finally get enough money to buy some remote activated mines? Were they laughing at the fact that in about 15 minutes the cookies would be causing my vital organs to shutdown? Or did they just make their first sale in two weeks? I don't know. Either way, they seemed to be happy (and my organs seem to be alright - at least normal).

Well, if you're wondering, the cookies tasted like sugarless chocolate cookies. They were either left out in the open air for too long or they were 3 weeks old. Either way, I ate them all and was pleased to find a piece of paper inside the bag with a drawing of what appears to be a fly sitting on a small banana next to some flowers - or a sailboat sailing by some large flowers. You be the judge. So in conclusion, maybe people with Down Syndrome are not always scheming afterall.

Why Japan doesn't stand a chance against N. Korea

Solving problems with neighbors. Trying to get them to say something like "I would ask them to turn down the radio/clean up their yard" etc.

Me: imagine your neighbor has lots of garbage in their yard, it smells really bad, what will you do?

One girl: I will clean it.

The other dude: I will move.

Work related blog

Two more quotes that were pretty funny from yesterday. I was having the class discuss their favorite animals - and why. Something like that shouldn't be this entertaining, but...

"Penguins are so mysterious, you never know what they're thinking." And, "cats have great imaginations."

Margaret T.

Margaret T.
Originally uploaded by terw0015.

Margaret. Pronounced mar-gar-et. Not margret – like it’s spelled. I first met her in the staffroom at work. She started a conversation with me. I don’t remember what she said, I can only guess. Probably something like “hi, I’m Margaret.” All I know is that I rarely start conversations. Details about our first encounter are foggy. Not only was it over a month ago, but I was frantically trying to figure out how to pretend like I speak proper English. I was also wearing a tie which decreases memory by about 25% - studies show. After my first two weeks in Japan, Margaret was my best friend. She helped me buy a cell phone. If she hadn’t, I probably still wouldn’t have one. She brought me to Osaka Castle, told me how to say “ticket” in Japanese and made me sing Bohemian Rhapsody at a karaoke bar. One of her eyes had kind of a squint to it. It was kinda cute and I always wanted to ask her why. But that’s just a strange question I guess. I have a “spock” ear, or as they are called by the new generation of elementary school kids, “hobbit ears.” A little kid in Hawaii pointed out (pun? almost?) that I had a hobbit ear and it wasn’t the most flattering thing. If it wasn’t for the fact that he came up to my knee I would have told him about my hobbit ancestry. Anyway. Margaret was heading home about three weeks after I arrived. And she’s married. So why do I spend all this time getting to know someone who I may never see again in three weeks – and is married? I don’t know. Maybe it’s because she is so cool. Or maybe I am strange. Maybe the rest of the kids at work aren’t the type I would hang out with. Who knows? Either way…. Well let’s just say its cause she is cool, after all, this is her blog. Well I had all this cool stuff to say about her but, I am forgetting it. She keeps interrupting me on MSN. So Margaret, the flattering stuff I had planned to say about you just escaped me. And it’s your fault. So to make a long story short, she is cool even if she single handedly reduced my number of friends in Japan to zero. Oh well. So here you go Margaret, the blog you requested. If anyone else would like a blog dedicated to them, just let me know. Oh yeah, she knows how to play Minesweeper. What a nerd! OK, the end.

My favorite work quote so far. We were talking about getting favors from friends and I was trying to get him to ask his imaginary neighbor to take care of his imaginary cat. “Will you feed me my cat?” I cracked up laughing.

What is this? I don't know

What is this? I don't know
Originally uploaded by terw0015.

Before you start, I already know what you're thinking. We've lost Mark, oh no!!!" But stop, don't worry. So I have 20 dress shirts now and I had 10 regular shirts in four years of high school. Big deal. So two of my dress shirts are pink. Whoopdiddydoda. I am still the same old Mark, except I dress like an idiot. As soon as I get out of the corporate world it's straight back to t-shirts with holes, yellow pits and paint stains. But I haven't changed completely.

Despite my ridiculous wardrobe, I still manage to maintain some typical Mark traits. I do not wash my clothes. My clothes rack is by a permanently open window, so I figure with as many dress shirts as I have, I will just get into a rotation and by the time a shirt gets its second chance it will be clean again. Also, I had difficulty with my belt. All the belts were for little people and they had one huge one, so I got that. I had to punch my own hole in it, I was a little off but it still works. The only problem is it's a little loose and it tends to shift to the side throughout the day. It doesn't actually hold up my pants, it's just for looks I guess.

And finally, I have been here over a month, wearing a tie everyday, and do I know how to tie one? No. I have a diagram bookmarked on my internet, I am 0-1 trying to tie one. I think I’ll just be pulling them over my head for the rest of the year.

Apartment View

apartment view
Originally uploaded by terw0015.

New used camera

I live on the 8th floor

The elevator only stops on floors 7 and 10, so I have to go up or down a flight of stairs everytime I use it. Just for the heck of it I decided to see if I could hold my breath from the first floor to the seventh floor. I am not sure why I did that. I am sure I am not the first to do so. But I am almost sure that I am the first person to spend five minutes blogging about such a stupid thing. Why would I tell people I did that? How could that help me in any way? Unless of course it is a plea for help - that's about the only reason I can think of.

Prostitues, fungal cream and grease.

"I really quite enjoy beating up prostitutes...basically." -my new roommate Leon.

Quotes can be so much more powerful without context.

Today is my Monday, I of course have nothing to do really except buy things. I had my first day of Jiu Jitsu here yesterday. It went very well. I need to learn some Japanese though. I have also ate fast food for 3 days in a row, and then today I had 3 donuts. I will be going grocery shopping in a few minutes and will thus be ending my record setting streak of greece indulgence. Working 40 hours a week makes things like grocery shopping difficult. The shops where I live are closed by 5. The latest one is open until 9, but they don't have any chicken.

Another streak recently came to an end a few days ago. Up until April 21st (my bday), I had wore the same pair of pants to work everyday - without being washed. The plan was to make it the entire month - no reason really - just to see if I could do it I guess. But then, with just over a week to go, I somehow managed to get chocolate on them. Dangit! I have to wear a suit to work everyday and I hate it. I think it is the corporate way of keeping morale low. Either way, my attempt to be different in even the smallest way was squashed, and by chocolate, go figure. But don't worry, I started a new streak and I am on day number 6!

The cool thing about having just moved to Japan is I can keep track of all these "streaks" really easily. Things are easy to remember. I am always thinking of things that I haven't done since I have been in Japan - and a streak is born.

For example, I haven't taken any type of pain killer. I forgot the Tylenol in Hawaii. There have only been a a few times when I wish I had it and with Jiu Jitsu there will probably be a few more. The problem is that everything is in Japanese, or maybe it's that I don't speak Japanese, one of the two. So my options are to basically get the cashier's attention, point to my head, grimace, and then point to a rack of bottles and hope for the best or to somehow figure out from an English speaking person what I need. Either way, I don't care enough to do it now because I feel fine. And if I get a bad headache I am definitely not going to want to head down to the pharmacy and hope that whatever they give me is for the actual pain. So maybe I will have a year long streak of medicine free living. I am, however, looking forward to trying out my new "eye drops." Fungal cream, ambesol, lotion, I don't care. I just hope it's not glue. I will let you know how it goes.

Why are they in such a hurry?

So I have been in Japan for about 3 weeks now. This is my first blog since I arrived. I just got internet this morning - a bday present from Mark. So I guess I will start my Japanese blogging by explaining one of the things I find unique about Japan. First of all, there are many unique things about Japan - especially for an American. But there is one thing that seems to be very unique and for some reason concerns me more than it probably should. And that is the actions of the elderly on the subways.

Sometimes the subways are packed, people can barely fit in the doors. For this reason, it is understandable for the old people to want to get one of the few seats. Even when the trains are not packed, often some people will have to stand. So it is completely understandable when an elerly person just cuts right into the line. I think it would be ideal if people would just give up their seats for them, but apparently that's not how it works. So maybe budging is a necessary evil, either way, I don't mind it.

But the problem comes when it's time to get off. Where are they going in such a hurry? It happens all the time. I spend my whole train trip standing just because I let some old lady sit in a seat. And what happens when it's time to get off? She cuts me off! It happens all the time - its usually old ladies. And it bothers me. I let them get there seats, that's fair. Now when the train stops, let all the people who are standing get off and then the people who are in seats can leave. I now make a point of not allowing old ladies to cut in front of me. So when I am waiting by the door, the train stops, and I see her sneaking towards the door thinking she can just walk right in front of me, what happens? That's right. I don't let her. I purposly block her. I keep just enough space inbetween myself and the people on my left and right so that the old lady can't fit through the crack. It happens everytime. As soon as the train starts to stop, out of the corner of my eye or in the reflection of the door I see a small figure closing in, like Yoda but faster, weaving and squeezing through any little spot, just to get right up to the door for a fast exit. But now I am the one doing the cutting. Because their legs are so short it looks as if they are walking really fast, but one of my steps equals three of theirs. So one simple sidestep and their route has disappeared.

So the moral of this story? If you are sitting in a seat on the train, let the people who are standing get off first. Remember, if you are 3 feet tall, speeding along trying to carelessly pass someone and that person happens to be 6 feet tall, what's going to happen when he cuts you off?